#17: Get a pet
Speaking of work, though, my hours are the reason I don't actually have a pet. I'm afraid that my erratic schedule would render any relationship I would have with a potential pet somewhere on the "neglectful" spectrum. And on top of this, since my preference is of the feline persuasion, I am worried that a cat would shred my apartment to bits out of sheer spitefulness over my absence.
So, I don't have a real pet, but I do have Hastings. Hastings is the next best thing to having a pet. He's a taxidermic deer head my dear friend Ellen's father gave me last Christmas. His brother had it tucked away in his attic, and when I mentioned I'd like a deer head, one showed up in a giant box at my office. Now, Hastings is not only one of my prized possessions, but in a way, I feel like he's somewhat of a companion. In fact, I'm sitting here on my couch right now just below Hastings as he keeps watch over the rest of the apartment.
If you don't work crazy hours, though, I think you should have a pet. Everyone knows spinsters are known to love cats, and I am no exception. However, you can still be a respectable spinster if you have a dog or, say, a ferret. However, I think we can all agree that the line is drawn at reptiles and amphibians.