Thursday, February 14, 2013

#1: Do it up!

Today's the Day! It's Valentine's Day! And here's to not having to worry about what you're going to give a significant other! Today, you're not going to ignore this holiday. No, that would be too sulky and expected. It's not "Singles Awareness Day." It's Valentine's Day, and you're going to do Valentine's Day things.

First of all, wear those heart tights we talked about. It's the least you can do. You don't have to go all out and wear red and pink and glitter and lace and ruffles unless you want to. I'd rather you didn't, but because you're a spinster, you're allowed to do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it.

This morning you'll eat breakfast in bed, and if you feel like it, after your commute, you should probably get a chocolate croissant. Why not? It's Valentine's Day, and you love yourself.

When you get to work, it's time to pass out those lovely valentines you made! Last year I put a little mini bundtlette on everyone's card, but this year I won't have enough time to make that many. Just please, please, please don't make your special valentine's treat anything to do with miniature stuffed animals. No one likes that, and they don't know what to do with them.

Everyone will be leaving work at a decent hour tonight because they'll all have dates of some sort. And so have you. You've got an excellent evening all planned out. First, you'll stop by the drugstore on the way home to get yourself a large heart shaped box of chocolates because you probably haven't had one before. The cheesiness of receiving one from a boy would have freaked you out anyway. They are actually underwhelming in some ways as they don't hold as much chocolate as the regular Whitman's sampler and aren't as delicious as, say, Varsano's on west 4th, but it's the principle of the thing. You'll pick that up, and you'll head home where you won't have to share it with anyone. And you can poke your thumb through the bottoms of all of them if you want because you're the only one allowed to touch them.

Once you're showered and robed and queuing up your Netflix, make sure you call and order that Valentine's Day special, the infamous heart-shaped pizza. You have to do it. It must be done. And dont' skimp. Get the big one.

Now you're all set to watch something decidedly unromantic so you won't spend the night in tears while you feast on a heart-shaped pizza and a heart-shaped box of chocolate. Might I also suggest some sparkling grape juice? If you're gonna spinster, you gotta spinster out hard core. Do it up, girl. It's Valentine's Day, and this is probably one of the best dates you've ever had.

2 comments:

  1. I am so glad! You made my day with your awesome parcel!

    ReplyDelete