Friday, May 31, 2013

Spinster Friday Jams

In efforts to combat what my cousin Katie refers to as "the chunk sitch," I have started running again. Sitting at my desk this week, I realized I needed more serotonin than I was getting from all the chocolate and carbs, so of course, this is a double benefit for me. The more I run, the more serotonin is released, and the more stays in my system. So...I mean, who doesn't want to be happier?

The thing is, though, I decided to go running last night, and it was so hot that I was sure my skin would be charred when I returned to my apartment for a shower. Oddly my skin was unscathed when I returned, but perhaps I can attribute that to the thick air that made it seem like I was running through a swimming pool.

What does this have to do with the Spinster Friday Jams playlist? Well, not much, actually. The only connection I can think of is this: In order to avoid thinking about the chunk sitch that manifests itself in the incredibly unattractive feeling wearing your workout clothes from when you were actually in shape brings, I have become reacquainted with my itunes library. As such, I thought I'd share a delightful little playlist with you on this Friday morning. I, for one, think it could make an excellent soundtrack to whatever work you have to do today! Some of the songs are spinster-related or woman songs, but others are just songs I like.

So, click to check out the Spinster Friday Jams playlist. Now, if you want to be surprised by the playlist and what songs it holds, then don't read any further after this sentence. Just click the link and Enjoy


For those of you who do want a list, here goes:

1. "Philosophy" - Ben Folds Five
2. "Lovefool" - The Cardigans
3. "Laura Palmer's Prom" - You Say Party! We say Die!
4. "Merry Happy" - Kate Nash
5. "Brass in Pocket" - The Pretenders
6. "The Underdog" - Spoon
7. "Bootylicious" - Destiny's Child
8. "Digital Love" - Daft Punk
9. "Lip Gloss" - Lil' Mama
10. "Forever" - Chris Brown
11. "Jumpin Jumpin" - Destiny's Child
12. "Tonight's Gonna be a Good Night" - Black Eyed Peas
13. "22" - Taylor Swift
14. "Sleepyhead" - Passion Pit
15. "Good Time" - Carly Rae Jepsen

I hope you guys enjoy it! TGIF!

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Guest Spinster: Leah E. Harrison

Today's post comes from one of my dearest, loveliest friends, one Miss Leah E. Harrison. Leah is a journalist with the Charlotte Observer and an otherwise wonderful lady. But, I'll let her delightful writing speak for itself.

_____________________________


In the weeks following a recent trip to visit the queen spinster in New York, I found myself making mental notes about what I would put on a spinsterhood blog if I had one. Here is the most burning issue:

Stationary
Every spinster owes it to herself to possess an array of exciting stationary. The well-prepared spinster can accommodate any correspondent with her paper supplies, whether she's writing a perfunctory (though always genuine) thank-you note or an installment to a pen pal. My love for beautiful paper no doubt fuels this interest and often functions as a form of discipline--I know I should correspond, so I buy beautiful stationary to entice myself.

I have accrued the remnants of nearly 50 stationary sets, equipping me for a professional, soulless letter on matte grey card stock; the more artistic, though still formal notes I bought with a single watercolor goldfish painted in the center (a Crane product--always classy); vintage cigarette and liquor advertisements for those editors who find such things charming; geometric pop-up cards that require extra postage; and recently, I acquired some cards with large insect silhouettes in gold leaf. My newest set came from Target, which carries a great deal of excellent stationary. These are hot pink with tiny gold porcupines stamped in the middle. The lip of the white envelop is patterned with green tick marks. Impeccable.

Here's what I look for in stationary: the card should be small--you never want the finished letter to include empty space. I've never bought stationary with 'Thank You' printed on it, no matter how exquisite the design. I want my own prose to say it, not the manufacturing company; the 'Thank You'-laden card just seems disingenuous, which defeats the purpose of a hand-written note. I also need a certain thickness regarding the paper used--I like to write with fine-tip sharpies or something with similarly heavy ink, and I don't want a bleed-through. Because the cards are small, I often write on the back. The card must be thick to avoid conflict. And of course, the design needs to resonate with me, needs to say something about my personality. I own a lot of matte things, a fair amount of modernist-looking sets, and many varieties of playful, fun notes.

Lastly, the art of letter writing is all but extinct in the technology age, making you extra charming if you do it. Think of all the letters pre-Darcy Elizabeth Bennet wrote! Think of the beautiful stamps you can pick out (ask to see the whole book of stamps at the post office, don't settle for the Liberty Bell)! And best of all, think of what it feels like to receive a beautiful little envelop in your mailbox. 

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Calling all Bachelors

So I'm a spinster. We all know that. And I would never go on the bachelorette. For one thing, I don't want to broadcast my bikini-clad body on national television. For another, as we've discussed before, I am in love with everyone I meet, so that'd be a really confusing situation for me unless they were all shorter and skinnier than I am and also were rude.

Over a brainstorming brunch the other day, my friend Natalie, knowing how unlucky I've been with online dating, jokingly suggested I take to the old Spinsterhood Diaries in case any of my readers knows anyone. And while I don't expect my comments section to fill up with suggestions, I did think it was an excellent idea for a post. So, here goes:



1. Do you love kittens?
2. Is watching Netflix at home often more exciting to you than staying out late?
3. Will you excuse me from watching sports?
4. Will you acknowledge that farting in front of me is never acceptable?
5. Are you not a food snob? / Do you sometimes eat at McDonald's?
6. Do you have a job?
7. Do you prefer soda, sweet tea, or milk shakes instead of alcohol?
8. Do you use correct grammar?
9. Do you know what Proverbs 27:14 says, means,and are you willing to adhere to it in my presence?
10. Will you at least consider maintaining separate residences after we marry?


If you or someone you know is a man of 27 years or older and can answer "yes" to at least nine out of ten of these questions, please feel free to submit an essay describing in 250 words or less how and why you understand that Gilbert Blythe and kittens are the best. (Disclaimer: I am not a Mormon or an Orthodox anything...just plain old Southern Baptist.)

Thank you, and I hope to hear from you very soon. Wedding season approaches, so we've only got a year until the next one to get this all ironed out. 

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

A Spinster's Survival Guide to Wedding Season

Welp, it looks like wedding season is upon us. Now before I go any further, I want to go ahead and say that of course I'm overjoyed for all the happy couples. Since I'm not part of one of them, though, I feel I need to take particular care in girding my loins for the wedding season ahead. If you, too, are a single lady this wedding season, I'd like to offer you my own personal survival guide to making it through all this nuptial bliss.

1. Wear comfortable shoes.
          You're a spinster, and you don't play. You've already bought a wedding gift and maybe a plane ticket, and you don't need to pay with bloody and blistered feet. Those spike heels may make you look taller and your legs look longer, but you'll be a much happier spinster if you're not contemplating using the silver service to saw off your feet at the ankles.

2. Don't bring a date.
          They say one of the best places to meet your future spouse is at a wedding. So, while all those questions about when you're going to tie the knot or when you're going to come home or if you're dating anyone may make you want to die, they'd be ten times more awkward with a straight guy who's not your boyfriend by your side. So, my suggestion is this: if you feel you need a date at all, bring a girl or your main gay. This way, you don't have to endure any questions about when the two of you are getting engaged, and if there are any cute guys there, you're in the clear and won't have to explain that you and your date are "just friends."

3. Buy off the registry.
          I know, I know. You want your gift to be special, and you don't want them to know how much it cost you. However, resist. You'll save yourself a lot of time and effort by just buying something that fits your price off the registry. Furthermore, the bride and groom registered for all that stuff because they actually wanted it. You don't have to worry about whether or not they like it; you know they want it. Bonus: If you're unable to attend the wedding, but you still need to send a gift, you can probably order it online and have it delivered with a personalized message. This way, you can ensure it won't be broken when it arrives.

4. Bring your smart phone.
          Like I even need to say this....but I'm going to go ahead and explain it. I think we all know the advent of the smart phone signified the end to boredom in every situation where you can get 4G. So, if you find yourself abandoned and sober at a table while all of your coupled-off friends dance the night away, you can easily occupy yourself with facebook, instagram, words with friends, twitter, and any number of other things. If you haven't been abandoned, though, you can always use your phone to take photos of the reception and share them immediately so the bride and groom can peruse them at their leisure. And that's a nice thing to do.

5. Don't wear a strapless dress.
          There's nothing worse than dancing in a strapless bra. And there's nothing less appealing than having to keep yanking it up while you're trying to look poised and sophisticated. You may be grumpy and weepy from the ceremony and the panicked feeling that no one will ever love you, but if you're wearing your favorite and most comfortable bra, at least you won't have to worry about that.

6. Pre eat.
          Some people like pregame before they go out for a night by having a few drinks at their apartment. As a nondrinker, I like to pre eat. Pre eating isn't really wedding-specific, but a wedding is really one of those parties at which you want to make sure you're not ravenous. You just never know what to expect. After all, the last thing you want to be doing while everyone wonders aloud why you're still single is ravenously eyeing the chocolate covered strawberries and wondering what cocktail meatballs taste like dipped in the chocolate fountain. Because if you do that, they won't be wondering anymore. (Full disclosure: I have dipped a chicken finger in a chocolate fountain before, and I can't say I didn't like it.)

7. Bring your own car.
          Now, I'm lucky enough to be a New Yorker whose parents keep an extra car around for her to drive when she's home. Most of the weddings I'm attending this year are near my home, so I'll be driving my own car. I know, it's a luxury that not everyone has. However, you may want to seriously consider having this as an option. My parents always told me when I was in high school that the reason I had my own car is so that I would never be in a situation where I was uncomfortable, stuck, and couldn't leave. Of course, I sincerely hope no one will actually be uncomfortable at the weddings they attend this season, but if there's a buzzard of a weird moley older man who won't leave you alone, at least if you bring your own car, you can flea the scene. Also, if you're the only unattached lady there, which, if you're my age, is increasingly more likely to be the case, you can leave when everyone gets a little tipsy and couply.

8. Leave the shapewear at home.
          I know. This may be controversial, but I have tried on shapewear before, and it is not comfortable. You do not want to be physically uncomfortable at this thing...or ever, really. My suggestion is just to get a dress that is flattering in such a way that doesn't need shapewear. That way, you won't feel like you have an ever-tightening boa constrictor around your waist, hips, and thighs all night. Becuase the more you eat, the tighter it feels. You know you know what I'm talking about.

9. Read a book, see a movie, and watch the news:
          Of course, you shouldn't do all of this during the wedding. What I mean to say is that you should be up on some current events that everyone will hopefully know about or have experienced. This way, you'll have a few topics to discuss that don't include your asking "what do you do?", "How do you know the bride and/or groom", or "Is that your girlfriend?" Also, this will hopefully keep you from talking too much about yourself, which of course, you are always worried about.

10. Go to the bathroom when you see they're going to toss the bouquet.
          It's not that you don't want to get married. You probably do. Or maybe you don't. I don't know. But I think all truly single girls can agree that the bouquet toss feels really awkward for them. It's like a physical admission that you're desperately seeking someone to love you as much as the bride and groom love each other, and it's just not happening, so you need to cover all your bases by catching this bouquet...just in case it actually works. The more interested you look in catching the bouquet, the more awkward it is. Conversely, though, if you stand aside, people may think you have something against marriage or that you think you're too evolved for that or whatever, and of course you don't want to be making that statement at a wedding, either. So, the best way to deal with this is, of course, to just go to the bathroom...or take a fake phone call...or something. Just avoid the situation all together. It's better for everyone that way.

I hope that these ten tips along with some waterproof mascara and a good pair of earrings will help you get through wedding season. You're gonna need all the help you can get.

Monday, May 27, 2013

A Spinster's Dream Diary

As a spinster, I get a lot more sleep than your average lady. I mean, unless I'm working, drawing, or eating, what else am I doing? Sleeping, that's what. But, for as long as I can remember, I've had the weirdest dreams. Anything that I've been thinking about during the day will definitely find its way into my nighttime thoughts, especially if it's terrifying or weird. I actually can't watch scary movies at all if I want to get any sleep within the next week.

So, this week, I decided I would record my dreams daily just for kicks. As far as I can tell, none of them have any real meaning, but they are pretty funny and random. So...here they are! I hope you find them as strange as I did.


Monday, 05.20.2013: Last night I dreamed my mom said my face looked like a Bill Cosby mask.

Tuesday, 05.21.2013: I dreamed last night that I bit someone's thumb while we were thumb wrestling, and it bled. Then I dreamed I was at work, and our meetings consisted of cleaning toy trains. Cleaning toy trains, in this case, was like cleaning your ears with a bobbi pin in that the trains were full of earwax, and I was actually cleaning them with a bobbi pin.

Wednesday, 05.22.2013: Last night I dreamed I was in line to report myself for not wearing a hat at military school when I looked at a mirror on the wall, and realized I was Rebel Wilson. And also my parents had three identical houses right next to each other.

Thursday, 05.23.213: Last night I dreamed I was a prisoner in North Korea. North Korea, though, looked surprisingly like an abandoned car dealership.

Friday, 05.24.2013: The only dream I remember from last night was that I was out of face wash. I checked in the shower this morning, though, and I still have about half a bottle left. So it was a dream.

Saturday, 05.25.2013: Last night I dreamed I was friends with Ashley Benson from Pretty Little Liars. Every morning we would do a little competitive swimming, but I always tried to act like it wasn't that big a deal to me if I won or not. But it was totally a big deal.

Happy Memorial Day!

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Spinster Swoon: Gilbert Blythe

If you haven't already read and/or watched The Anne of Green Gables series, go ahead and stop reading this right now and get on that. You can buy the DVD trilogy here. Now that that's out of the way, we can continue.

This probably won't be the last or even the second-to-last post I ever make about Anne of Green Gables, but you have to start somewhere. Among other things, this series features quite a few spinsters, widows, women who married late in life, and otherwise strong non-traditional women. Well, non-traditional for their time, I guess. But today I just want to talk about one Mr. Gilbert Blythe.

Whenever I find myself displeased or just in the doldrums of my life, I need to take a moment and watch Anne of Green Gables. During my first two years of working in the fashion industry, I fell asleep to the movie every night. I cant' even remember the first time I saw it, but I think I could quote the whole thing. Again, go ahead and watch it.

So last night I watched the first half of the first movie with my friend Alexandra, who had never watched it before. And I found myself wholly in love with the sweet, loyal, intelligent, respectful, lovesick Gilbert Blythe once again. If you search for #gilbertblythe on instagram, you'll find images that say things like "never settle for less than Gilbert Blythe," and "Boys in books are just better."

I could go on, but I think I should just let you all go ahead and watch the movie and/or read the book. Because...I don't even think I can do it justice. He's...I'm just going to go ahead and say it....BETTER THAN RYAN GOSLING.

...Not better looking....but just...better.

Ok, that's enough out of me. Enjoy the movie, and fall in love with this guy.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Surprise Portrait: Becky C of Diamonds in the Library

Surprise! I've done another surprise portrait. Today's portrait is of one of my favorite bloggers, Becky C of Diamonds in the Library. Becky blogs about both fabulous fine jewelry and books she's recently read. In addition to Diamonds in the Library, which you can also find on Glipho, Becky contributes to Book Riot with her excellent input on her literary adventures.

I chose to do today's surprise portrait in Adobe Illustrator after Rachel Monte asked whether I preferred Photoshop or Illustrator more. I use Illustrator every day at work, and I would say that is where my real proficiency lies when it comes to Adobe, but I have really been enjoying learning all the fun things you can do with Photoshop as well. And, as a special treat, I wanted to do a little combo piece today for the surprise portrait. As you can see below, I've added some diamonds to this photo and made it into an animated .gif! Becky, you're the first!

Friday, May 24, 2013

Friday Fun! I've learned how to make Gifs

So, today I just want to have a fun post about something fun I learned to do this week. With all my spinster time, sometimes I like to do a little research on something I'd like to know about. This week, I wanted to learn how to make .gif files.

According to my google search, "GIF" stands for "Graphic Interchange Format." I had no idea. The main thing here is that they're these little animated images that run on a loop, and Buzzfeed uses them all the time to get to the core of either my soul or the ultimate cuteness. Either way, I'm all in. And then, of course there's the classic spinster tumblr, #myfriendsaremarried. Gets me every time. I can't even look away. I have to keep clicking the "older" button.

So, since I've been working on a photoshop journey of late, I thought this was a logical next step. I found this tutorial online, and I pretty much just followed it and then started playing around. First I did a couple of celebrity photos and made them into gifs in the usual way. You know, making a young tight-panted Rod Stewart say "I want to hold you till I die," or making sad Phil Collins say, "you're the only one who really knew me at all." But then, I thought "Oh! I should make GIFs out of some of my favorite illustrations! So that's what I did.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Spinsters I Know and Love: Chelsea Purcella

Today we're revisiting our series of lovely single ladies I like to call, "Spinsters I Know and Love." Our featured Spinster, Chelsea Purcella, is clearly not at all a spinster, but she is indeed a single lady. She is in possession of quite a few adorable cat- or kitten-themed items of clothing and/or accessories as well as a delightfully constant photostream on instagram. You can follow her: @chelseapurcella. Don't worry, I got permission!


And, while we're sharing information about Chelsea, check out her super cute website: http://www.chelseapurcella.com/ . I'm not going to lie. I'd never seen one like this. It's like a choose your own adventure! Just click on the form of social media or interface you'd like, and you can check it on out.

I could say a lot more abut Chelsea, like how I've seen her portfolio, and it's awesome, but I'm going to let her witty replies to the spinster survey entertain you instead. Enjoy!

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Spinster DIY: Tassel necklace

One of my favorite accessories trends this season is the oversized Tassel necklace. This seemed to be a big trend at Coachella this summer, and Bendels has the cutest beaded version. So, I've taken it upon myself to make my very own! Don't worry. I'm a professional.

What you'll need:
1. Scissors
2. A piece of cardboard about 4" x 4".
3. 2 packs of embroidery floss - same color or two different colors.
4. A needle (optional - sometimes this  makes it harder as the beads' openings are too small)
5. Clear Beading Thread. Make sure it's strong enough.
6. Cotton Cording - You'll only need about 6"
7. Assorted Beads

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Surprise Portrait Bonus: Chloe Grech

Surprise! It's an extra surprise portrait! Today I'd like to introduce you to one Miss Chloe Grech. Chloe is a blogger I've been reading on Glipho, and I love her posts. She finds the weirdest, coolest things to talk about. Sunday afternoon I read a post she wrote about old IMac computers being made into little habitats for your cat. Obviously I loved that, especially since it had photos included.

Chloe is a fashion graduate in the UK, and she has demonstrated some cool design skills in quite a few of her posts. You can check out her blog posts here.


I think I did a little better on the hair this time, but I have to be honest and say I don't know that I really captured Chloe.  However, I haven't met Chloe in person, so who can say?

Happy Tuesday to all of you and Chloe! 

Monday, May 20, 2013

Surprise Portrait: James Toyer

Today's surprise portrait is of Glipho team member, James Toyer. James isn't such a frequent blogger, but he keeps Gliphers updated with information on the functionality of the site when he does. You can check out his posts here.

Now there's a complete set of portraits of the Glipho staffers! What say you? Trading cards? I thought so.

I'm still working out the hair situation in my photoshop journey, and I feel like the color in this one could have been more saturated, but of course I'm still in the experimental stage.

This particular portrait was made over a 10pm spinster dinner of Haagen Dazs Chocolate Ice Cream while I watched a few episodes of The Dick Van Dyke Show. If you ask me, that's the perfect way to spend a saturday night. And if I'm honest, I'll admit I did much the same thing Sunday night as well. Sometimes, when you're a spinster, you just need to enjoy a thing like that. Plus, Sally Rogers is exactly the type of spinster I imagine I am. She has a cat, she's always marrying men before she's met them, and sometimes she makes too many jokes. Thankfully for everyone I know, though, I don't just up and start performing at every party I attend. Thank your lucky stars, all of you.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Surprise Portrait: Maria Nichol

Today's Surprise portrait is Glipho Staffer Maria Nichol. Every time there's a red carpet event, I look forward to Maria's Best and Worst Dressed post the next day. Because, really, who doesn't love a good best and worst dressed pictorial? No one. That's who.  Maria mostly blogs about celebrities and fashion on Glipho, and you can check her out here.

In addition to being a fun blogger, Maria is a pretty stylish lady. I friended her on facebook, and I like her style. She can pull off the red lipstick, the ombre hair, and even some nice blue tips, as you'll see in the illustration. But, I'm fairly sure she is not a spinster. It's ok. I like her anyway.

With regards to this portrait and the photoshop journey, I used a different brush on the hair this time, and i quite liked it. I mean, I don't think it was executed as well as it could have been, but it looks a little bit more like marker this time. Annnnd, I wish I'd done the line weight heavier. But, you live and learn, right?

Now I'm off to a spinster sunday. I'm potentially seeing Star Trek by myself. I'm fairly sure my future husband will also be seeing that movie by himself (because I'm guessing he's a nerd I may not have yet). The question is whether or not he'll be at the same theater I am.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Surprise Portrait: Ryan Guerin

Today's surprise portrait is of Glipho staffer Ryan Guerin. I first discovered Ryan's blog when he wrote about Charleston, SC (click here for the post). At the time, though, I had no idea he was a Glipho Staffer. He is, in fact, the only staffer who lives stateside. Bonus? He seems to live in the south. Hooray! I, of course, haven't ever met Mr. Guerin, but I'm hoping this is a fairly ok likeness of him taken from his Glipho profile photo.

In the photoshop journey, I liked doing this one because it had a lot o implied dimension with the striped shirt and the pattern on the bow tie. In true spinster fashion, I did this drawing last night while eating the little tiny broken pieces of tortilla chips at the bottom of the bag in front of a couple episodes of Law and Order from the early '90s. Perfect friday night, in my opinion.

Be on the lookout for more surprise portraits to come! I hope you enjoy your saturday. I, for one, will be spinstering in suburban style at the Queens Center Mall where I will be getting replacements for my moccasins which have spring a leak. More on this later (you hope.)

Friday, May 17, 2013

Surprise Portrait: Rachel Monte

I know you won't believe me, but I got home at 10:30 pm last night. Very unspinsterly. I was out having a lady date with my friend Eric's girlfriend, eating Bibimbab. Sometimes you need a good fix of Korean food. Not to worry, though, I had already done today's surprise portrait!

Today's surprise portrait is of Glipho staffer, Rachel Monte. I have had the pleasure of corresponding with Rachel on a few occasions, and I find her to be delightful. She, like Roger Planes and other Glipho staffers, is great about positive feedback, support, and commenting. You can find her awesome blog on Glipho here.

Now a word about the photoshop journey. This is my first close up lady drawing, and the hair was actually more difficult than I had expected. I'm trying to find a way to mimic the effect of my Chartpak markers through photoshop brushes and adjusting the transparency, but I'm not quite sure I've got it right yet. Good thing I'm a spinster and have plenty of time to devote to developing this skill. The journey continues!

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Surprise Portrait: Roger Planes

A little while ago, I was going about my Spinsterhood Diaries business, posting, drawing, tweeting, when someone from the Glipho team contacted me on twitter to see if I'd like to try out their new social blogging site. After a little bit of thinking, I decided I should definitely try it out.

Fast forward a few months, and my Glipho account (you can find it here) is going strong, and I love Glipho's platform. They do a great job of promoting their bloggers while fostering community and readership. I have to say, it really does feel like a community. Everyone there is really supportive and complimentary, especially of my illustrations. 

The Glipho team had mentioned to me that they would love to become illustrations themselves, so today Glipho's founder, Roger Planes, gets a surprise portrait! I will admit that I've never seen Roger in person as he lives in the UK, so this is solely off a fairly low-res photo, but I kind of like it. I've been trying to teach myself to draw in photoshop, so this is yet another part of my experimentation. I hope you all enjoy! And don't forget to check out Glipho!


Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Working with Women



I will admit to having complained about working with all women on more than one occasion. But the other day, it struck me that there are a lot of times when working in an office full of women is really the best thing ever. And today, I thought I'd share a few examples of those times with you.


1. When You're having guy trouble: Girls know what to say when you're having guy trouble. Maybe I am a hideous beast, but every time I've ever told a desk neighbor about any guy problem I'm having she always says the right thing. Who cares if it's just a permutation of "you can do better," or, "He doesn't deserve you," or, "what a jerk," or "Ugh. Men." ? She knows it is clearly both not my fault and that the guy is clearly a jerk. It doesn't matter if I did spread honey along his baseboards and release some ants. He undoubtedly deserved it.

2. When you're thinking about trying out a new workout regime: In an office full of women, at least one woman there has tried the workout you're considering. It's statistically impossible you won't find all the information you need straight from the horse's mouth. Bonus: Unlike reading about a workout regime online, you can actually have a look at the woman who is practicing the particular routine in question. Does she look like you want to look? This way you can decide whether or not you want to do it at all. If she's recently grown an extra leg, my guess is you should stay away.


3. When you're having a fashion emergency: You hair got blown into what looks like cotton candy on the way to work? Someone has a brush. Run in your hose? Someone's got clear nail polish. Break a nail? Someone's definitely got an entire manicure kit, complete with cuticle pushers. Every woman keeps a secret supply of what she counts as beauty and fashion necessities in her desk. The trick is figuring out who has the best stock and cozying up to her in case of emergency.

4. When some other girl is being cray: Now, of course as a woman and a feminist, you hate to trash talk and hate on other women. Of course. But sometimes some strumpet is getting up in your business and you just want to rip out her weave. Instead of ripping out her weave, though, you have a whole office full of women with whom to discuss an analyze her (clearly) insane behavior. Have screen shots? Even better. Every one of your ladies will tell you the evidence of her insanity and just plain tackiness is undeniable.

5. When you need grooming tips: Thinking of getting a keratin treatment? Someone in your office has done that. Eyelash extensions? Check. Gel Manicure? At least half of your coworkers. And we won't get into the specifics of hair removal, but you can discuss that, too. Just make sure you've chosen your confidant wisely. I am absolutely sure you can find the entire spectrum of styles, options, and techniques among your coworkers, and at least 3/4 of them will be willing to discuss.

6. When you need restaurant suggestions: There is definitely a foodie at your workplace, but most girls know a good restaurant when they see one. In your office you'll find a wide range of neighborhood-specific experts as well as connoisseurs of a variety of cuisines. This, in fact, is such a safe conversation topic, you should just open the entire floor up for discussion when you're looking for a good place to go. But be ready to take notes.

7. When you need to be reassured about your outfit: Because every girl knows when you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Especially when it has to do with something the asker is already wearing and can't change. Telling her it's bad would just be cruel. If it's really awful, though, at least have a solution that can be executed immediately.

8. When you need someone to notice you: Just got a new dress? Thank goodness you work with all women! Not only will they notice that they like your dress, they'll also notice that it's new. And they'll say something. And that something will probably be that they like your new dress. And that's nice.

9. When there's an office birthday party: In every office in which I have worked, birthdays are celebrated with a pot luck, and everyone brings something. With a bunch of women around, there are always a few incredible and adventurous bakers. The best is when you've got two girls who are competitive with each other about the baking. In this competition, everyone wins.

10. When you cry at work: Ok, so you hope this never happens, but sometimes it does. If your boss isn't a total harpy, she'll know what to do, and your crying won't freak her out. She's cried plenty of times in her life, and she won't assume it's PMS.

Sometimes it's nice to work with both men and women, but there are a lot of benefits to being in an environment full of what my hypnotherapist calls "moon energy." And no, I don't mean energetic naked bums.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Punch in the Box

Now, before we talk about this, I first want to say that I don't actually condone real violence. Now that we've got that out of the way, though, I will proceed.

You know, sometimes people make you angry, and sometimes subscribing them to a stack of ferret clothing catalogs doesn't quite scratch the retaliatory itch. I know. Believe me, I do. There have been plenty of times I have wished I believed voodoo dolls actually worked. I think rather than sticking someone's voodoo doll with pins, I  would use them to make people do really awkward dances  in the middle of very important presentations or promising first dates. In lieu of an effective voodoo doll, though, I have come up with an idea I think may really strike everyone's fancy. It's called the Punch in the Box.

Basically, the punch in the box would really solve all of your aggression problems without causing too much real bodily harm. The whole thing would be operated via delivery service, and you'd be able to order it online. You can send it anonymously or with a personalized message and signature. Whatever would suit your fancy. Then, you'd have the package delivered to the person deserving such a gift.

"Oh! I've gotten a package!" your nemesis will say, thinking that of course they are so loved that someone would certainly send them a gift at work or home...but work really does seem better. They'll open the shipping box to find a beautifully wrapped gift inside. "What could this be!?"

Then, the deserving party will unwrap their gift to find a festively decorated jack-in-the-box. "How droll," they'll think, maybe having a little giggle to themselves. Unable to resist, they'll begin to turn the crank, hearing the Mr. Softee song or some such nonsense. The suspense will rise, and they'll be starting to get a little nervous, when BAM! That's not a puppet! It's a spring-loaded boxing glove RIGHT IN THEIR FACE.

Of course, it's important to note that it's just spring loaded in a little box, so it probably wouldn't actually hurt them, but I think it'd get the message across. And if you're worried that they might miss your meaning, there's always the personalized message where you can say things like, "a much-deserved gift for you," or, "you're the worst," or, "I'm surprised this hasn't happened sooner," or "Please use several times to achieve the desired effect." The possibilities are endless, really.

So, if any of my readers out there are product developers, please, let me know when this thing gets made. I'm pretty sure it'd be a gold mine.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Spinster Situation: The Entenmann's Bakery Outlet

When I first came to see the apartment where I now live in Astoria, I got a little lost looking for the place. The streets are numbered here, but the numbers of streets and avenues are all fairly close, and there aren't just streets and avenues, but also roads, drives, and ways. While I was lost, though, I happened upon something that is dangerously close to the apartment I took and now inhabit: the Entenmann's Bakery Outlet.

I'm not sure what makes it a bakery outlet as I've tasted most of their doughnuts, and they seem fine to me. They're just a little cheaper than they are in the regular grocery store. But, really, "fine" is an understatement. Specifically, my love and obsession is directed toward the Entenmann's Soft'ees Plain Doughnuts. They go stale quickly, but when you first open a fresh box, they're soft, dense, and have just the right amount of sweetness. That is, they're not too sweet. And when you bite into them they have this hearty body that's between a cake and a quick bread which makes me never want to stop eating them.

I'm ashamed to say that this weekend I ate an entire dozen in only a little more than 24 hours. And that wasn't the first time it'd happened either. The last time a boy broke up with me, I did this on a regular basis. Like, at least six times. In fact, even after I started running and working out pretty seriously, I would go to the gym and stop by the bakery outlet on the way home. And then, of course, devouring ensued.

So, I guess I need to say it. Hi, I'm Myrna, and I'm an Entenmann's Bakery Outlet addict.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step. But the steps past the bakery outlet will really be the toughest from now on. But this madness must end! It's one thing to be a spinster, but being a fat spinster with thighs that look like they've been fashioned out of Cracker Barrel's lumpy mashed potatoes may be quite another. I'd like to be able to maintain the idea in my mind that I'm not a spinster because there is no one who will have me (whether or not that is actually the truth is irrelevant), but at some point, after several dozen Entenmann's Soft'ees Plain doughnuts, even I can't necessarily believe that anymore.

Here's to being a cute spinster and having a happy monday!

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Real Life Commands

At work, I use Adobe Illustrator every day. Sometimes I use it all day, every day, more than 40 hours a week. I love Illustrator. I feel like I've developed a rhythm within the program, using all the key commands and shortcuts that makes a day inside the program sometimes seem more efficient than working with imagery and objects in the real world. And I'm pretty sure that's how Adobe's makers wanted it to be. Sometimes, though, outside of the program, in the real world, I really wish I had the tools I use in Illustrator. And that's what I wanted to talk about today. So, below are the top five key commands I really try to use in real life on a daily basis just before realizing I'm unfortunately not living in a computer like Tron.  (Side note: I work on a Mac at work and home, so if you're on a PC, just substitute the word "command" for the word "control.")

1. Command Z: "Undo." This is the key command I most often wish I had in real life. I mean, how often do you pour orange juice in your cereal and think, "Oh, I really wish that hadn't just happened"? Or maybe you're talking to your boss, and something just comes out really, really wrong. "Nooooooo," your brain screams in slow motion as the last awkward word falls off your lips. Or what about when you get your coffee in the Starbucks line, only to turn around and run into the person behind you, spilling the coffee all over yourself, the person behind you, and the floor? "Undo! Undo!," you think. Well, my fingers twitch with some "command z" action. I just think, "Oh my goodness, this would be so much better if I could just "command z" this. Why is my life not in Illustrator?

2. Align. This is part of the "Pathfinder" panel. You can align thins to be all on the same level at the bottom, at the center, or at the top, and then you can make it so they're evenly spaced. Think of how amazing this would be when you're, say, cleaning or organizing your apartment. Or maybe you're hanging some pictures or artwork in your apartment. How nice would it be to jut click a button and have that all straightened out and evenly spaced? The possibilities are endless!

3. Command 3: "Show/Hide." Wrapping a surprise when the recipient approaches? Command 3. Have guests coming over but no time to clean? Select all that clutter and command 3. Throwing a crazy surprise party? Command 3 all those people, and then when the birthday boy or girl arrives, command 3 again, and boom! SURPRISE! Then again, that may be dangerous...they  might be too surprised and have a heart attack. But, I mean, it seems pretty useful.

4. Command 2: "Lock." This would also be great when you are in the process of spilling your coffee. Command 2, and grab that coffee before it falls. Want to pet your cat, but your cat keeps trying to run away? Command 2, and pet that cat as long as you want. In the subway, and need a seat? Command 2 everyone in the train as soon as someone vacates their seat, and slip in there before everyone else can. I think this could also really work if you're late to the office...

5. Command A: "Select All." This would just be really helpful if you needed to get rid of a bunch of stuff. You could make a pile, select all, and delete. Done. Realize you just deleted something you still needed? Well, that's a perfect opportunity for a good old "Command Z." See? Life would really be more efficient in Illustrator.

For the honorable mention in this post, there's a common computer command I really wish I could use all the time. It doesn't really exist in Illustrator, but if I could use "Command F" in real life, I could be using that all day long. This is the command for "find," and you can just type in what you're looking for, and your computer will find it. I mean, how useful would that be?

Adobe and Google, could you maybe collaborate and make my life more easily computer operated? I feel like Google Glass might make this possible eventually, but I think now it's probably not there yet. I'm requesting you work on it. Thank you.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Ugh...Shaving your legs.

It should come as a surprise to exactly none of you that I hate to shave my legs. When you really think about it, it's really not that big of a deal. Somehow, though, it's just such a chore. And unless you're wearing a dress that day, what in the world is the point? So, of course, here are five reasons shaving your legs is the worst.

1. It makes your skin dry and sensitive.
          I know, I know. You're thinking, "you just need some lotion." The thing is, though, sometimes you're in the shower, and you decide to shave your legs, but when you get out, you realize you're both in a hurry, and you're going to wear pants. Do you really want lotion all up in the inside of your pants? That is gross.

2. It is dangerous.
          For so many reasons, shaving your legs is dangerous. Firstly, there's a razor involved. That's always dicey around the front and back of the knee as well as the back of your ankle. Secondly, there's the positioning. Balancing on one leg on a wet surface while water pours over you as you hold a sharp object to your skin isn't necessarily the most secure way to start your day. There are so many ways that could go wrong.

3. It's hard to do away from home:
          Firstly, you can't bring razors on an airplane. This means you either have to check a bag or buy a razor when you get to your destination. Either way it's a hassle. Secondly, you've probably figured out your leg-shaving positioning in your home shower as if it were your favorite yoga pose. This has as much to do with the shape of your shower as with the positioning of the shower head, your tools, and whether or not you're willing to sit on the floor. Most of the time, away from home, sitting on the shower or bathtub floor seems questionable.

4. It's hard to remember:
          Refer to reason #1 for how this can be a problem when you're getting dressed. I will admit that I have accidentally gotten in a running shower still wearing my bra and underwear before, but the day I got out of the shower and dried off before I realized I had only shaved one of my legs has to be the perfect example of this problem. Even when you're in the shower shaving one leg, there's no guarantee you'll remember even to shave the other. We won't even talk about those times when you forget to shave your legs all together only to realize you need to wear a dress.

5. It makes a quick shower much less quick:
          Of course the best time to shave your legs is while the conditioner is in your hair, but the whole act of shaving adds at least a good five minutes to your whole shower. So, if you're in a hurry, this is a nuisance. In my opinion, taking a shower is the most important act when you're in a hurry, so brushing my teeth with curlers in my hair while I shave my legs in the sink (see plenty of date preparation montages in movies for this) isn't really going to happen. And also, that is an accident waiting to happen. I don't wear a life call, so if I were to actually have a date and I fell while simultaneously brushing my teeth and shaving my legs, I might perish there on the bathroom floor in a puddle of shaving cream and toothpaste spit. And possibly worse: the guy would think I stood him up. So clearly, I'd just need to wear pants if I were in a hurry for a date and forego the whole leg-shaving ordeal.

...And that's five. Maybe I should get electrolysis. But I heard that gives you leg pimples...that's a story for another time.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Spinsters and Tiaras

So, since I talked about my "Toddlers and Tiaras" obsession yesterday, I spent a small part of my day thinking about how I could totally win Ultimate Grand Supreme over those stinking five-year-olds. Who do they think they're dealing with? Clearly they don't know.

This morning, I'd like to share with you my designs for the Beauty division and Outfit of Choice. Don't worry. I'll explain everything to you.

Beauty is, according to "Toddlers and Tiaras," always the first segment of competition. This consists of a formal dress and a formal hairdo. The judges look at these crazy photoshopped head shots that make each girl look like a strange hybrid of a 30-year-old Hooters waitress and a Madame Alexander Doll. How do those two things coexist on the same face, you ask. Only photoshop can say.

For a Glitz or High Glitz pageant, the "cupcake dress" is essential. This consists of a fitted bodice and a very full, layered skirt. So, the first image here is my "beauty" dress. Most beauty dresses are heavily embellished with rhinestones and lace appliques, but I thought I might try a little something different. My dress is embellished with stiff organza di-cut flowers, each one double layered and finished in the center with a crystal rhinestone. The Cupcake skirt is the same fabric as the flowers, tying it all together. The organza really adds an element of fluff and body that other fabrics such as chiffon or georgette can't offer. Then, of course, I've finished off the look with the obligatory fold over ruffle socks and white mary janes.

The next look I've included is another standard for most pageants. They call it "outfit of choice." Outfit of choice can be anything from a cute little casual ensemble to a full-on halloween costume. Some pageants dictate what category your outfit of choice should satisfy, but other
s just let you choose what you like. Outfit of choice usually has a more creative walk across the stage, set to music the contestant's parents or coach have chosen.

This second image you see is my outfit of choice. Since I'm a spinster, I decided to make my outfit of choice something that I actually would choose to wear. It's basically a jazzy bathrobe. I've made it with a full skirt and a large bow to tie at the waist, but it's still adjustable like a real bathrobe so I can be comfortable at all times. After all, this pageant is probably going to be set in a hotel, and right after I walk off stage, I can go back up to my room and order room service if I like. I, unlike most of the other contestants, am over 21 and therefore can order and pay for my own room service. Maybe I'll even do that for my talent.

The one place these kids have got me beat, though, is swimwear. But what can I do? I like to eat pop tarts, and while I'm sure Honey Boo Boo also enjoys a good bit of processed food, the difference in age between her body and mine is enough to have a driver's license and start grad school. You win this round, Pageant children, but I can stay up as late as I want!

In conclusion, if you haven't watched "Toddlers and Tiaras" yet, you should probably get on that. You want to know what a flipper is, right? I thought so.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Spinster Luxury: New Pajamas

When I left work last night, I knew exactly what was going to happen. I would go home, take the leftover ham delights out of the fridge, pour myself a glass of cold Country Time lemonade, change into my pajamas, and eat some dinner on the sofa in front of a couple episodes of "Law and Order." And I knew those ham delights would be waiting for me because there was no one else to take my delicious leftovers from the fridge. Oh, the glory of living alone!

When I got home, I have to admit I started off with a good old episode of "Toddlers and Tiaras," while I ate a couple of cold ham delights. Then, of course, I got down to business making today's illustration in front of "Law and Order." I felt like I wouldn't be telling you the truth if I didn't admit that part. Watching "Toddlers and Tiaras" is a guilty pleasure that really doesn't make me feel all that guilty. If I'm honest, I have to say that every time I watch "Toddlers and Tiaras," I think of how good I would be at embellishing pint-sized pageant dresses. But could I really deal with all those crazy pageant moms?

But on to more important things. As you all know, I am serious about bathrobes and loungewear, and I have been keeping a very keen eye out for a summer loungewear ensemble. This past weekend, shopping with the delightful Leah, I found exactly what I sought. There it was, hanging on a rack at Gap Body in the Queens Center Mall, beckoning to me as if it knew of my love of bed snacks and "The Today Show." It was a 94% Modal, 6% Sandex jersey knit sleep dress with adjustable bra straps, a bit of shirring at the center front seam, an empire waist, and the most delicate bit of creme lace around the neckline. And, wait, what was this? A matching robe!? A knee-length matching robe with 3/4 length kimono sleeves and a self belt?

The moment I saw it and felt the fabric between my fingers, it was as if I'd turned into Wayne Campbell, addressing the camera, saying, "it will be mine; oh yes, it will be mine."

And our first night together was glorious. And in the morning when I arose and slid into the jersey robe, it was as if I'd found my summer home. Well, in fact, I believe I have found my summer home. And whoever thought it could be so small as a matching robe-and-sleep-dress set? Well...I suppose I had an inkling.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Spinster Food: Ham Delights

A Recipe in the middle of the week! Say it ain't so! Sorry, I can't say that. It's true. You're getting ready to hear about one of my very favorite spinsterhood recipes. Of course it's good for parties, but it's also good for a single lady, cooking for herself.

Ham delights are basically amped up ham sandwiches where the cheese is melted and delicious. You have to make a whole pack of rolls at the same time, so it's perfect to make a bunch at the beginning of the week and just keep eating them until their gone. Hopefully that won't all happen in the same night. I like them for breakfast, too. Cold, of course.

So, without further ado, here's the very simple recipe:

What you'll need:

1/2 cup margarine (or butter)
2 tbsp mustard
1 tbsp worcestershire sauce
1 tbsp onion powder (optional)
1 package deli ham
1 package swiss cheese
1 package sunbeam rolls (or king's hawaiian rolls or potato rolls)

What to do:
- Mix the margarine, mustard, and worcestershire sauce in a pan on the stove until blended together.
- Cut the whole package of rolls in half longways like a big sandwich.
- spread the butter/mustard/worcestershire sauce mixture on both sides of now open giant roll sandwich
- Put a layer of ham an the rolls, then a layer of cheese.
- Put tops of rolls on top of all of this.
- wrap the whole thing in tin foil
- bake at 400 degrees for 10 to 15 minutes

When you take them out of the oven, let them cool a little and then cut the buns into little individual sandwiches. They'll look like little ham sandwich sliders!

Enjoy!

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

I can't...I have to wash my hair

It's a long-running joke between, well, everyone, that when a girl wants to avoid a date, she says, "I can't. I have to wash my hair." But, since I'm a spinster, I never have to use that excuse for a date. I do, however, feel like it might be a valid one.

This weekend my friend Leah was in town, and we were in the middle of a conversation when I realized "aw, man. I have to wash my hair." And that was the end of that. I had to get in the shower, or we were probably going to be late for our engagement.

Now, a lot of girls can probably relate to this because after their shower, they have to blow dry, curl, or straighten their hair. The whole ordeal could take a full hour from start to finish, and while showering is really quite a productive time for thinking, as we've discussed before, when you're in a hurry, it's not quite as enjoyable.

I, however, have a different problem with the hair-washing. In case you haven't realized from the spinster illustrations, I have a lot of hair. I have really long, really fine hair, and it gets all knotted up while I'm sleeping. So, before I have to take a shower, I have to go through the ordeal of brushing out this giant fluffy snarl of hair that, from outside of the bathroom, must sound like I'm just ripping all of my hair out from the root. You have to brush your hair before you shower, though, so that when you get out, you can let it air dry, unmolested.

So, then I get in the shower, and wash all that hair, only to emerge covered in all these mystery strands of hair I could have sworn I had gotten off of me. Hair is like glitter in that way. Whenever you think you've gotten rid of all of it, you still find more. And You can't get it off of you.

And then there's the drying. I'm going to be honest, though, and say I usually let it dry until I"m about to leave the house, and then I throw it in a bun. Because, as a spinster, I can do that. And as a spinster, I can use the excuse, " I can't...I have to wash my hair." But let's be honest, I rarely actually have to make an excuse.

Monday, May 6, 2013

A Monday Sketch

So, it's Monday, and we're all going back to work. But this weekend was so beautiful, it got me to thinking about going to the beach. I never go to the beach, and when I do go, I certainly don't go here in New York. South Carolina all the way. In fact, a lot of people have been asking me about Charleston, SC lately. All I can say is, "go." You should go because it's wonderful. It shames the beaches in New York. All the beaches in South Carolina do...except maybe Myrtle Beach. If Myrtle Beach is all you know of South Carolina, please, please try a different beach next time. You will love it.

I mean, there are some good things about Myrtle Beach. For example, it's the only place I've ever been able to go shopping inside of a shark's mouth. There is no shortage of beach towels featuring scantily clad ladies, and I'm pretty sure you can still find rebel flag bikinis there at Wings and/or Eagles...if that's what you're into. You can also get a good look at some very leathery-looking bikini-wearing old ladies if you're jonesing for that. I'm fairly sure I've seen more that one octogenarian who would have referred to herself as a "bronzed goddess," wearing a metallic bikini with a shock of cottony-looking white hair. Delish.

But today I just wanted to have a classier-looking sketch of something a bit more trendy here in the magazines, blogs, and online shopping I've been doing. For this summer I've been seeing a lot of what they call "beach corsettes," a bikini top that is a bit longer without being a "tankini," as well as higher-waisted swim bottoms. Punch it up with a fun Jelly tote to keep books, magazines, and towels dry. I mean, if you really needed to, you could top this all off with an airbrushed tee shirt featuring a lady's bikini body. No one has to know you have good taste. And, if you're anything like me, you'll be sporting some cat stuff somewhere anyway.

Happy Monday!

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Kate Spade's Saturday

One of the thing I find most useful about my job is the amount of research I have to do. Some of that is in person shopping, but the vast majority is done on a daily basis and from my computer. In addition to fashion and design blogs, I do a vast amount of online shopping to see what's out there. And this week, I found some pretty cool stuff.

No, we're not going to make this about all the cool stuff I found. If you want to see all of that, just follow me on Pinterest (Jonezee85). However, I do want to talk about one site I loved this week: Kate Spade's Saturday. (http://www.saturday.com/)

In particular, there's one dress that I think I just must have, so I decided to illustrate it for today's post. It's half Jersey, half woven, and it comes in an exciting neon pink color or a color called Cherry Tomato. It just looks like the best summer dress. (Check it out here.)

Anyway, if you love fun, simple, cute styles, you should take a spin around the Saturday website. I love it, and I think you will, too. I know this post doesn't have anything to do with spinsterhood, but...there is a sketch. So...happy Sunday!

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Spinster Friday Night

I'm writing this entry on friday night in hopes I'll actually sleep in tomorrow morning. Also, in the subway tonight, I saw a woman who had a buzz cut with a man who had long hair. I needed to tell someone.

Today I wore the outfit I've illustrated to the Left. No, I didn't get bangs, but I just wanted to draw them that way. I'm trying to teach myself to sketch in photoshop, and as you can tell, my skills aren't quite up to par with my hand drawing skills yet.

This outfit consists of one three wolf moon tee shirt from TheMountain.com, One pair of teal ankle-length corduroys from the gap, and my light coral moccasins from Coach which I've worn every day since I bought them. And now we'll talk about what I've done (re: eaten) today in this outfit.

I went to work and had a really thick piece of pizza for lunch in Grand Central Station, because I actually think Grand Central is fun. Not sure why. After work, I was pretty sure I needed a peanut butter and jelly doughnut from The Doughnut Plant. So I walked myself down to 23rd street and took care of that. And it was amazing. Then, a short improv show, and I was off to feed my friends Natalie and Dave's Cat, Leandra. I didn't eat her, but I could have. I really could have.

On the way back from Natalie and Dave's, I decided to give into an urge that's been gnawing at my very soul for weeks now. I went to McDonald's. Don't judge me. It was delicious. I ate it on my sofa without any pants on while I watched an episode of Toddlers and Tiaras. And you know what? There's nothing I'd rather have done with this friday night.

Bonus: tomorrow I get a new fridge. Happy saturday!

Friday, May 3, 2013

The Uniform

Trend forecasters can say whatever they want about what will be "in" and what will be "out" in any given season, but the proof is in the pudding. The pudding, in this case, would be what everyone actually ends up wearing, living in, and loving. In  a New York fashion office, this can sometimes be hilariously obvious. It's would seem that it's not just women's bodies that find themselves in sync, but apparently it's also their closets.

At my last job, at any given meeting, there would be at least three girls in red jeans and a dressy black top. Over the summer, we all had floor-length knit dresses we'd top off with vests, jackets, cardigans, and sometimes even knotted tee shirts. In the early fall, I can't tell you how many variations of a navy and white striped long sleeved tee or sweater I saw paired with a medium wash pair of straight leg jeans. This winter, though, the uniform was particularly hilarious.

Good old chambray shirts have been en vogue for a few seasons now, but this fall/winter/early spring, they have really hit their stride in my office. What's even funnier, though, is that we've all decided that Madewell is the best place to buy our chambray button downs, so we all have one of three of them. The perfect bottoms? Black skinny jeans, of course. I personally have been alternating between a pair of ankle length black corduroys and some very stretchy skinny black Joe's Jeans. And then, of course, there's the shoe of the season: The high top wedge sneaker. We all loved them, and we all bought them. I want to say some fifty percent of us bought the Nike Sky-Hi Dunks.

So, when yesterday I looked around in a sample review meeting only to see that more than half of us were wearing some variation of the same outfit, I had to have a little giggle. This wasn't the first time it'd happened, and I'd guess it won't be the last. So, I thought make a little sketch and share, in case you want to look like you're part of some kind of denim cheerleading squad with the rest of us.

Happy Friday!

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Weeknight Laundry

I had social invitations last night, but I had to turn all of them down. Why, you ask, would I do such a thing? Well, the answer is simple: weeknight laundry. But let me start at the beginning.

About a year ago, inspired by Dakota Fanning's performance in The Runaways and spurred on by a super-hipster coworker, I purchased a flight suit. I think you know the kind I'm talking about: one piece, top and bottom, zippers and pockets everywhere. Yeah, I bought one of those. I bought a tan-colored standard issue coverall flight suit from some veterans at a street fair in Astoria. It was only $20, so I was getting a deal for such a trendy item. And I got a green one for the hipster, too. She loved it.

Well, since that day, the flight suit has been enjoying a comfortable life, free of worry, in my double-doored closet. It's been hanging out with that short, black, backless velvet number I got for free from work when I was 23 that doesn't fit over my hips anymore and that weird long button down they used to call a "boyfriend shirt" that really looks more like a bizarre kaftan than anything else. But when I woke up on Tuesday morning, I realized I had no clean pants, and due to my pop tart habit, most of my other clothes didn't fit. So, I thought, this was a perfect day for the flight suit. "It's, sort of...editorial," I thought.

So, I took that bad boy off the hanger, put on a low necked white tank top, a gold chain charm necklace, and slipped into my pants and jacket all at the same time. But when I looked at it, something was wrong. The sleeves. It must be the sleeves. So, I unzipped the top but left the pants on, and just cut those sleeves off above the zipper and rolled them so no one could see the raw hem. What a quick and clever fix! Now, sure I was looking like a fashionista from the pages of Nylon (let's be honest...probably not Vogue), I headed off to work where I am, after all, a fashion designer.

But as the day wore on, I started to realize maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all, and for the following reasons:

1. The flight suit is Khaki:
          Helena Hwang, a former manager of mine, once told me khaki wasn't my best color without my asking for her opinion. While it was a rude comment, she was right. My skin is too close to that color, and it's just light enough to make my hair look unflatteringly dark. And also, somehow it makes my face look fat.

2. I didn't know what shoes to wear:
          We all know shoes can make or break an outfit. Unfortunately it was too cold for any kind of sandal, so I went with my navy blue lace up Vans. This didn't help my outfit's efforts to say, " I am not an escaped convict."

3. The suit was made for a man:
          While on some women a man's clothes can be a great look, my body is such that men's clothing makes me look like a little boy smuggling potatoes in inopportune places about his person.

4. It has elastic at the ankles:
          Now, I am a big fan of the elastic-ankled sweat pants, so I was appalled when, at the end of the day, I caught a sideways glimpse of what looked like a short, pudgy stack of toasted marshmallows walking down 35th street to catch the M train. Oh wait, that was just me.

5. Lastly, it was hot.
          I wont' bore you with the sweaty details here, but I was increasingly tempted to use all those convenient zippers that don't lead to pockets.


When I came home from work, I peeled that thing right off. It might have been a great look for Dakota Fanning and Cherie Currie, but it did not make me feel like a cherry bomb. So, I was a responsible adult and did my laundry last night because heaven forbid I have another travesty like that one.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Another Kitten Tee

I am always on the lookout for more kitten tees, and the other day when I took a sick day, I decided I needed to draw some kittens while I was watching TV. So I did. And then I was like...I should make these into another kitten tee. So, I scanned it in, and I took to Zazzle.

In case I haven't said this enough times, I really love Zazzle. It's an online printing site where you can order all kinds of custom printed items from greeting cards to plates to totes to tees, and the interface is really easy. All you have to do is upload your image, and they show it to you on the blank item you've chosen.

Once you've created your custom item, if you want, you can post it for sale - for free! Zazzle has their very own marketplace, and you can post anything you make there with tags, a name, and a description. They also have this cool feature where you can choose the amount of profit you make on your items. Zazzle, of course, has to take a certain amount of money to cover costs and production, but you can manage how much money you'd like to make. Since I am making mine for my own enjoyment, I have it set to, like, 10% of total price, which ends up being somewhere around a dollar, but still. It's super cool.

So, the main point here is two fold:
1. I made a new kitten tee, and you can check it out at http://zazzle.com/spinsterstore.
2. You should do some custom printing at Zazzle. Because it's awesome. And no, they didn't ask me to write this...but I wish they had. #hinthint