Tuesday, June 25, 2013

An Open Letter to the Home Shopping Network

This weekend, I discovered I had the Home Shopping Network on my TV and spent more time than I'd like to admit watching Rhonda Shear Shapewear and Intimates from my bed. After watching, though, I have decided that I should be the next host of an HSN show. Below is my open letter to the Home Shopping Network.

Dear Home Shopping Network,

I'm just going to come out and say it. We should be together. I'm not asking for my own line to be sold on the Network. No, I just want to talk about other people's things. Since I'm a fashion designer, I know lots of fashion terms, and I know a good bra-friendly style when I see one. Because I'm a spinster, I also know all about bathrobes, loungewear, and most carbs and desserts. I am also willing to eat any sweets on the air. Don't worry about whether or not I'll have to act like I enjoy them. I will. A lot.

Additionally, as a robe-dweller, I know the kinds of things your target audience likely ponders and does. My guess is they are also often robe dwellers in their bed or on their couch. This makes us kindred spirits with similar lifestyles. I know things. Things you might never have imagined.

Another bonus for you: I've been told I like to say things over and over again. It seems like this is really the name of the game at HSN. I can think of lots of different ways to say the same thing. I'm able to create many permutations of the same statement. One of my strengths is secret repetition.

Ok, now that you've read all my reasoning, please see the illustration above. I am not a hideous beast. I'm probably your average size medium (in case you need to get started on my wardrobe). I'll wait for your call.

Best,

Myrna Minx

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