Thursday, April 3, 2014

Spinster Love: The Onion's "American Voices"

Whenever I find myself in front of my computer in need of a good giggle, I click on over to The Onion and its topical yet hilariously false news stories. Maybe "false" isn't the right word. Some of them are entirely true and derive their rib-tickling from the age-old concept of "funny because it's true." There is one column, though, that bridges the gap between falsity and truth. That column, my friends, is "American Voices," and it is my very favorite thing on The Onion.

The premise of "American Voices" is as follows: The Onion takes a true news headline complete with a brief summary of the story's contents and general point. Then, Below this little synopsis are three photos of the supposed commenters. The commenters are a rotation of six different characters, three of which are included in today's graphic. There are two women: one with grey hair and a slightly confused expression and one with a strange bob and a pensive expression. Then, you have the young, attractive black guy, the 40ish semi-attractive white guy, the racially ambiguous guy with a strange combover, and the bearded man who looks like he thinks he knows what he's talking about but clearly has no idea. 

Below each commenter's picture is their comment in reaction to the news story. Of course, these comments have been completely fabricated by The Onion's Writing Staff and are most often excellently giggle-inducing. (If you need an example of some of their recent home runs, click here, here, or here.)

While the comments below each person's photo are most often the very best part of this column, sometimes there's an extra special cherry on top. Just below each comment, there's a supposed name of each person commenting. Below the name, there's an occupation. Sometimes they're pretty normal, like "health inspector","systems analyst," or "unemployed." On the other hand, every now and then you'll read one that says something like "fish and tackle expert","chair tester," or "Kleenex Box Stuffer." All are excellent occupations if you ask me. 

So, if you find yourself in serious need of a little laughter today, click on through the "American Voices" section of The Onion. I think it may lift your spirits with sheer silliness.

2 comments:

  1. My all-time favorite: response number one. Tee hee. http://www.theonion.com/americanvoices/christian-student-sues-for-right-to-hate-speech-14971

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    1. Haha! That's sort of really true, though...which is why I always love them.

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