Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Spinster Strategy: Foot Massage Wardrobe Guide

I think we all know that I'm pretty into Buford Highway and their illustrious massages. This weekend, I shared my love of Treat Your Feet with my friend Anne, and it was glorious. I thought I'd tell her beforehand what to wear, but it seems I forgot, and she showed up in pants. While that's not enough to ruin a foot massage (let's be honest, there's not much that can ruin that), pants can be a little bit of a hindrance. So, for your convenience, today I've put together a little list of do's and don'ts when getting a foot massage. While they're pretty amazing no matter what you do, this will make it perfect!

1. Wear a Skirt (or a shorts...especially if you're a man.)
          While it's possible to roll your pants up, I find I enjoy my foot massage more when the hem of my skinny jeans aren't cutting off the circulation between my calf and knee.

2. Don't wear your glasses.
          Ok, I have to wear my glasses to drive, but once I get into that luxurious chair, I can be blind all I want. This is especially important after the masseuse washes his or her hands and goes in for the head, face, and neck massages.

3. Don't wear earrings.
          I'm partial to dangly earrings, and this is absolutely not a good idea for any sort of massage. If you like to have your head, neck, and ears massaged (because who doesn't?), you may risk having forked earlobes by the end. I've actually seen this happen to someone before, but not at a spa. It was at Skate Galaxy in Sumter, SC. Ah, another story for another time.

4. Wear absorbent shoes....preferably sandals.
         I've made the mistake of wearing closed toed shoes several times to a foot massage, and believe me, that is a squishy, unpleasant feeling. I've unfortunately worn some shiny, faux leather sandals before, and I could barely walk for all the slipping and sliding.  For post foot massage stability and comfort, I prefer to wear my rainbow flip flops. I find these work the best because the soft nubuck leather is absorbent, and the flip flop construction allows breathability so that the lotions, etc, can dry without making your feet clammy. After all that fun, your feet need to be free!

Now, if you follow these four guidelines and perhaps shave your legs beforehand, your foot massage will be all that it can be! Enjoy!

Monday, September 29, 2014

Spinster Sadness: The Gosling Child

eva-mendes-on-the-phone, eva-mendes-illustration
Well, spinsters, my life is officially over. As you may have heard, Ryan Gosling has had a baby with someone who is not me. That means, for at least the next 18 years, the other woman - yes, I am talking about Eva Mendes - will have a hold on MY Ryan Gosling that I do not. How could this possibly happen?

I've been mulling this over in my mind, and I think I've come up with a few explanations, but let it be known that none of this is making going on any easier.

1. I wasn't in The Place Beyond The Pines. While I can't say this is the first time Eva got a jump on me where the Gosling is concerned, it is where they met.

2. I wasn't in We Own The Night. I'm going to hazard a guess that this was when Ryan Gosling was like "man, I gotta meet that woman." It could have been Hitch, but I'm going to go with We Own the Night.

3. I didn't have a Lingerie Billboard above Broadway and Lafayette in New York...and If I did, no one would want to look at it...unless they have a bathrobed spinster fetish.

4. I don't live in New York anymore, and Ryan Gosling does. Le Sigh.

5. Ok, I've never actually met Ryan Gosling. I'm not going to lie...I think this is the most important reason.

Now that we've discussed all of this, I hope you'll excuse me while I drain my apartment of all the tears. I've been writing this from a raft that's floating around my living room.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Sunday Fun: Art Supplies Coloring Page

art-supplies-drawing, art-supplies-picture, picture-of-art-supplies
Yesterday was a busy day of spinstering. I tried two new restaurants, the Galaxy Diner and Cafe 101, and I think  now it's safe to hibernate for the winter. I won't need to wake or eat again until springtime, so please don't offer. It's hard to move.

Since it's Sunday, and all that food got to my brain, I thought maybe you could use another coloring page. Today's theme is art supplies. This one will fit on an 8.5 x 11 piece of printer paper, and you can use all the art supplies you have in your home to color in all the art supplies on this page. It will be delightfully meta.

Check back tomorrow for something that is potentially more meaningful and spinsterly. In the meantime, please do your coloring!

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Sumter Spinstering: Celebrating Katie

katie-damron-portrait, SLT, sumter-little-theatre
A couple months ago, the current director of the Sumter Little Theater, one Mr. Eric Bultman (who also happens to be one of my very favorite people in this world), sent me a Facebook message. there was to be a celebration of the one and only Katie Damron, and he wanted to know if I'd like to contribute. Would I like to contribute!? I mean...was that a question?

Now, let me give you a little background info. I grew up just down from the Sumter Little Theater, and I was a bit of a ham as a child. It was not until I was a freshman in high school, though, that I actually started taking classes at the Little Theater, or SLT as we called it. The first few classes were so much fun, I knew I was hooked. The kids in the class were so cool, creative, and accepting, and Katie Damron was authoritative yet loving all at once. She is the reason that I know what it means to "fear" someone in a good way. The first play I ever did was Hansel and Gretel, and she'd cast me as the witch. I still have a scar on my nose from a blemish I got form all the green makeup. It was the most fun.

The year after I started classes at Sumter Little Theater, I decided to transfer high schools so I could get in more hang time with my theater friends and be in the drama club there because it was THE COOLEST THING EVER. Our fearless leader was one Mr. Kelly Melton, and he remains one of the funniest people I've ever met. I say that having met, I think, a fairly large amount of hilarious people in my life. However, I digress.

Miss Damron probably wouldn't object to her being described as cantankerous, but in such a good way, and all we students love her. So, of course, even though I was fairly sure I wouldn't make it to a Thursday Night event 4.5 hours away from Atlanta during my office's busy season, I made absolutely sure to send in my video greeting to my friend Marc, who had organized video submissions via a riotous mass Facebook message of SLT Alumni. The email itself was so exciting that I decided I needed to go to the event in person.

I left work at lunchtime on Thursday, and after being called some choice words by the man who tried to cut me off with no blinker even though he knew his lane was ending several miles before he tried to merge, I made it to South Carolina just in time to change clothes and catch a ride with my friend Sarah to dinner with two of our favorite SLT classmates, Tim and Marc. We ate at Sambino's because, where else? It seemed most appropriate.

I'm ashamed to say I was so excited to see friends I hadn't seen in ten or so years that I didn't stop talking the entire time. It was just so much....so much goodness.

There was a reception before the main event, and there I ran into none other than Mr. and Mrs. Kelly Melton, still hilarious in the most insanely creative ways. I feel like talking to them is like begin in a constant brainstorm session. I'd just like to say right now that I think a person could lose weight just by talking to them on a daily basis. The laughing. You could get abs that way.

I'm trying to think of a way to describe how I felt during the reception, but when i think about it now, I still get giddy about how exciting it was to see all those people. So, we'll move on to the main event.

The celebration of Katie Damron was a collection of musical performances, scenes, dances, and personal comments by some of her old students. I don't know what I'd been thinking all these years, but I had no idea Damron had been in South Carolina since the fifties! The performances were so much fun (my favorite was a scene from The Foreigner), and the speeches were simultaneously touching and hilarious. The whole time I just thought my heart would burst. So much love for the Damron.

After the performances and Ms. Damron's politely greeting a never-ending line of people, even posing for pictures, there was a little dessert reception. At the reception, I spoke to one of my favorite stage managers, actresses, and tech ladies, Mrs. Beaty. In the mass email mentioned before, someone had brought her up, and it was unanimously agreed that we all love her. While I was talking to Mrs. Beaty, though, we realized we didn't actually know much about Ms. Damron's life before her tenure at SLT. Of course, since we were in the same room with the source, we decided to ask her.

I walked over to Ms. Damron where she sat on a sofa holding court, and once the resident Babiators exec had expressed his love, I knelt at Ms. Damron's feet. I told her that I actually knew nothing of her origin story, and it didn't seem many other people did, either. I got as much out of her as her being from Kentucky, but when I asked how she'd met her ex husband, with whom she'd moved to South Carolina, she was clearly over it. "Who are you!?" She asked, knowing full well who I was. "Why do you need to know?" Sharp as ever, Ms. Damron. Sharp as ever. She then told me she lives in the present, not in the past, and I didn't need to know any of that. So...there.

I end this story with that little anecdote because anyone who knows Katie Damron would say that was so typical. She's hilarious. And she's right. That is none of my business. She's a wonderful woman, and I can only hope that by the time I turn eighty-three, I will have touched half as many lives as she has. And that I will be as brilliantly sane and coherent and not "old ladyish" as she is. If I'm going to do that, though, I may need to watch a little less Netflix.

Here's to Katie Damron. She is one in a million, and I'm so glad I drove to Sumter and back for this. I'm still excited about it.

Friday, September 26, 2014

Atlanta Spinstering: #FAFATL 2

I had such an excellent time participating in #FAFATL last week, that of course I had to do it again! This week I've made these little tiny paintings on canvas, affixing magnets to their backs for sneaky posting! Of course they're not masterpieces, but I think they'd be pretty fun additions to someone's refrigerator or desk or filing cabinet or what have you.

Above you'll see images of the little baby paintings on my refrigerator. Later today, after I get back from the Katie Damron Extravaganza (formally called "Celebrating Katie") in Sumter, SC, I will sneakily post these around Atlanta. Check my Instagram later today for clues! I can already tell this is going to be addictive.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

New in The Zazzle Spinster Store: Prints!

In my spinsterhood, there are a lot of things about me that don't necessarily align with traditional gender stereotypes. For one thing, I don't really like salads all that much. For another, my apartment is a perpetual disaster area. I once had a boyfriend tell me, "I know what it is. You don't want to do anything you don't want to do." Uh...does anyone?

But now I've already gotten off track. The thing I want to say is this: I am not overly concerned with feathering my nest. I mean, I have furniture, and dishes, but generally, since my lair is  almost always covered in a layer of unopened mail and discarded cat tee shirts, I don't think about decor that much. Lately, though, I've been trying to get better. In fact, I have recently ordered a bunch of prints of...how shall i say this without being a weirdo? No, there's no way. I'm just going to say it. I've ordered prints of my own artwork, and then I framed it. There. I said it. 

The thing is, after I got over the fact that I had just had my own art printed and framed, it definitely had its benefits. For instance, I made it exactly to the color specifications I needed for each particular room. Now, though, I've decided to share some with you!

The image you'll see above is one of two abstract pieces I had printed for my bathroom. After I had them printed, though, I realized I could post them for sale on the Zazzle Spinster Store so other people could hang them in their bathrooms...or whatever other room they wanted. The cool thing about Zazzle is that you can choose the size, paper quality, and even if you want your item framed! 

I've added a few new items to the shop, but I'll be adding more very soon! Additionally, if you have suggestions of past illustrations you'd like to see added to the Art section of the Zazzle Spinster store, leave a comment! 

And if you didn't see the link above, click here to check it out!

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Illustration Friday: Novelty

cat-dress, cat-clothes, kitten-hat, novelty, illustration-friday-novelty
Of course today isn't Friday and is instead Wednesday. That didn't stop me last night, though, from fulfilling this week's Illustration Friday challenge. The theme this week was "Novelty."

Now, in every different consumer industry, I'm sure there's a different and very specific definition of the word 'novelty.' In children's wear, though, it generally refers to a print that is a little...silly or unexpected. In my world (accessories), when a merchant says the world "novelty," they almost always mean "animal." Instead of drawing a child today, I decided it would be most spinsterly to draw a cat lady. Here you see she's wearing her novelty knit trapper hat with kitten ears, a novelty tulip hem strapless kitten face dress, kitten jacquard fishnet stockings, and kitten peep toe pumps. To further complete the look, she has rhinestone cat eye sunglasses and a little round kitten face cross body bag. Oh, and don't forget she's wearing her novelty ice cream charm bracelet - because a spinster's gotta have some snacks.

While I do think that every consultant and/or corporate vocabulary creator should be made to sit in their own open office plan while listening to things like "collaboration", "teaming", "achievements vs. opportunities", "centers of excellence", "team building", "team player", "creatives", and the like blare through loudspeakers for the 4.4 years the average person stays at a job now, I appreciate that Illustration Friday's word this week had such specific meaning for me.

Bonus for you: This may be an idea for this year's halloween costume.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Hal is the Skater

If Walter White is the Danger, then Hal Wilkerson is the Skater. Last night I was watching a little Malcolm in the Middle on Netflix (a series, by the by, that I apparently completely missed when it was actually on the air), and I happened upon one of Bryan Cranston's most magnificent and impressive performances. The episode is called "Rollerskates," and according to IMDB, it aired a couple of months before my older sister graduated from high school.

If you know Bryan Cranston mostly from Breaking Bad, then this is probably going to blow your mind. I, for one, sitting in my spinsterly bathrobe and eating Talenti out of the jar, could not stop laughing out loud. This is one of many reasons it's excellent that I live alone. Another reason is that I don't want anyone to judge me for my bizarre and random diet. And I mean "diet" as in whatever you eat is your diet. Not some crazy thing that doesn't allow me to eat all the food on Buford Highway.

Now, let's look at the entertainment. First, for those of you who have either never seen this episode or are jonesing to see it again, I'm embedding the full episode below. If that's too long, though, and you just want to get to the good stuff, scroll down.
Now, if you had to skip that because you're at work or too busy to laugh incredibly hard for 22 minutes, then you can watch these two short versions of just the skating:

Hal Teaching Malcolm How To Rollerskate from Guilherme Loureiro on Vimeo.

Now, if that didn't get your day started right, I think maybe you should go back to bed and wake up tomorrow. Either way, happy Tuesday!

Monday, September 22, 2014

Spinster Screening: Boyhood

Saturday night I actually went to the movies with a friend. I know. I know. That's very unspinsterly of me. However, the invitation was to see Boyhood, and we'd both been dying to see it, so....I was social!

Now, First of all, let me say that we went to see the movie at AMC Phipps Plaza, and they have leather recliners and assigned seating. I booked the tickets on Fandango, and I got the last two seats that weren't on the front row. I'd consider that a success.

Ok, moving on. There will be no spoilers in this post because the movie is basically all in the description. It's the life of a boy from ages 5 to 18. They actually used the same boy and filmed it over 13 years of his life, which is really incredible. I was confused, though, because somehow I had misunderstood when I was watching interviews, and I thought it was actually Ellar Coltrane's life, instead of the fictitious Mason.

I feel like I have to say this: The acting is pretty bad in the beginning. It gets better as the movie progresses, but it's pretty bad in the beginning. Somehow, though, that doesn't really take away from how cool it is to actually be watching someone grow up, little segments at a time.

I chose the illustrate this particular stage (part six) of Mason's development because it was in this segment that I was absolutely sure that the actor was not Ellar Coltrane but, in fact, Alexander Gould of Weeds fame. We're talking dead ringer for at least three or four segments of the film, and it was distracting. However, if you go see this movie now, you'll know it's not him, and you won't have to worry about it. Also, don't be confused later when he bears a striking resemblance to Lukas Haas circa 2005. He's not Haas, either.

The story is a little sad and a very touching, and if you are, like I am, fairly close in age to Ellar Coltrane (ok, well, I just checked, and I'm almost exactly 9 years older than he is....so i'm not that close), it's kind of like watching your own life in some ways. The music will take you back, and so will the fashion. And I cannot tell you how much he reminds me of a lot of guys I knew in college.

So anyway, let me stop rambling. The movie is good, but the acting is bad. Well, except Ethan Hawke because...well, he's not bad. And by the end Ellar Coltrane is straight up good. I suggest it, but it's not like anything you've seen before. Oh, and it's almost three hours long, which is really short when you think of how long it took to film.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Saturday Spinstering: New Speakers and some thoughts

Yesterday I found myself at the car repair waiting for my speakers to be replaced so that I could listen to NPR in crystal clarity. I knew it wouldn't be that quick, so I planned ahead. I brought my needlepoint project. As any good stitcher can tell you, pushing and pulling a needle through a needlepoint canvas is a good time to contemplate. And since I got some really good thinking in during the two and a half or three hours I sat in the waiting room, I thought I'd share.

1. Needlepoint takes forever.
          I've been working on the same 16" x 16" needlepoint pillow for over a month now. In fact, it's closer to two months at this point. It's not even a complicated design. I work on it every night, and somehow I never seem to see any progress. Still, it is relaxing, and it allows me to come up with the ridiculous thoughts I often share with you.

2. Men, when given the chance, will watch HGTV with the best of them.
          The last time I was in the Ford dealership waiting room, they were playing a football game, and I promptly fell asleep. That's not an exaggeration. I actually fell asleep. Today, however, there were a couple of back yard renovation shows as well as a couple episodes of Rehab Addict, and I don't think I'm overstating it when I say the men were paying closer attention than I was. I know they were a captive audience, but I felt like this could be useful information...somehow.

3. People can't count.
          In this waiting room, the furniture options were as follows: two chairs, two three-cushion sofas, one two-cushion love seat, and one bench. When I arrived, the chairs were occupied, and the three-cushion sofas had on person each. The love seat was empty, so I sat there and started in on my spinsterly work. About ten minutes later, a large man wearing a photo real printed tee shirt and a bluetooth earpiece walked in the door and promptly sat next to me. H continued to wonder for the remainder of my time there why he had chosen to sit next to me to take his nap when he could have had so much more space elsewhere. The world may never know.

4. Infinite Jest continues to take over my life.
          While I was reading Infinite Jest and indeed immediately after I had read its last page, I was perturbed to say the least. As time progresses, though, putting more and more time between us, the ol' brick of a book seems to relate to an increasing amount of things in my life. Don't get me wrong. I'm not actually suggesting you subject yourself to the frustration that is Infinite Jest, but there are so many unexpected truths. This example doesn't happen to be a truth, in particular, but whenever the boys at the tennis academy are trying to buy drugs, they always call and ask the dealer if he will "commit a crime." The crime, of course, is distributing narcotics, but I often want to call friends and coworkers and request that they commit some other crime. I'll leave that explanation to your imagination.

5. People still download crazy ringtones.
          I never have my ringtone on. In fact, I'm not even sure what my phone sounds like doing anything other than buzzing against a hard surface. Today when I was sitting in the waiting room, though, a man standing at the auto parts counter received a phone call. I'd say he was about 40 or so. That's why, when I heard the theme song to Disney's Phineas and Ferb blaring from his cargo short pockets, I had to suppress a little giggle. I can't even blame him, though. That show is good. And just in case you don't know what I'm talking about, I've conveniently included a video of the opening sequence of Phineas and Ferb. I'm sure your interest will be piqued.


Saturday, September 20, 2014

Spinster Doodles: Yet Another Coloring Page

My first #FAFATL experience was a success! My little coaster magnet found a good new home with someone who took its picture! I placed the magnet on a lamp post outside of Saks Fifth Avenue at Phipps Plaza, took its picture, and around lunch time, it was claimed! I cannot describe to you how strangely exciting this whole experience was. I will most certainly be doing it again.

Now, as for today's imagery, I'm sorry if it has given you a headache. As you can see from the top left hand corner, I tried to start with larger images. but somehow they just kept getting smaller and smaller. Sometimes a spinster can't control herself as she falls deeper and deeper into tiny, detailed insanity. There is a bright side, though. If you happen to have an 11" x 17" printer and a child near you who is very into coloring, you're set!

Now, find some of those fine-tipped  crayola markers or perhaps some colored pencils, and go to town!  Enjoy!

Friday, September 19, 2014

Atlanta Spinstering: #FAFATL

A couple months ago, my friend Sara told me about Free Art Friday. The conversation was via text, and I was at a seventieth birthday party, so I had to do my research later when I got home. Basically, the idea is that people make fun art for the purpose of giving it away. Then, they post or hide it somewhere in the city of Atlanta (or any other city that participates). Next, they take a photo of the free art and post it on Instagram, Twitter, or any other social media with the hashtag for their designated city. The hashtag for Atlanta is #FAFATL (Free Art Friday Atlanta).

of course, I thought this was such a cool thing, and I wanted to get in on the fun. I have yet to actually find any free art, but last night I made my first ever piece for contribution to the fun! What you see in the image above is the back side of the piece, which includes #FAFATL, my Instagram handle, and my blog address. This picture is from the work in progress. Once I'd added the final layer of quick drying epoxy resin, I added a few magnets so I can easily stick it somewhere where people will be abel to grab it. The front is a little blue and green abstract artwork with some chunky gold glitter. I don't know if this could properly be considered "art," but it is free, and I think it'd be a nice addition to someone's refrigerator.

Check my Instagram later today to see the finished product and where it was posted.

Here's hoping my first #FAFATL goes well and gets picked up! Happy Friday!

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Orange, Pink, and Sundry Links

We're going into our busy time at work which means that at the end of the day I unfortunately haven't got too many useful thoughts in my brain. I mean, they're useful, but only to me; most of them are "food." As such, today I'm going to share a pink and orange scribble-doodle I made while blankly staring at my TV last night as well as some links I thought were magnificent in my stupor. I'm looking at them now, and I still think they're pretty cool. However, If they aren't, I am terribly sorry. Just pin the image on Pinterest, and we'll forget all about this.

And now, without further ado (or "a-don't," as my high school drama teacher used to say), let's click some links!

1. The Broke Girl's Guide to Fall Makeup from Refinery 29. I grabbed this one from Alex's Pinterest, and I love it. I especially want that Aztec stuff.

2. This guy who I saw (with my eyes, from across the street...not romantically) many a time in New York has some wise words to share about making money with a cat on your head. And if you haven't perused Humans of New York before, I think it's worth a look.

3. I know I'm a season late posting this, but Elie Saab is such a gangster. I want all the dresses. Do yourself a favor and look at that whole slideshow.

4. Sometimes I think I should have been a fashion photographer, but since I'm not, I'd settle for some giant pompon shoes instead. Because I certainly am not a trained photographer. I just like looking at the pictures.

5. If you are a child of the nineties, or if you raised one, you will appreciate this slideshow of trapper keepers from the Today Show.

Hungry for more links? Design is Mine always has a "best of the week" post, which is always full of delightful references.

Now, enjoy your day!

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Wednesday Fun: Makeup Coloring Page

Lately I've been using my NYX bright blue eyeliner, and I must say I have been getting all sorts of compliments. And of course I love that. All this makeup talk, though, has left me thinking about, well, makeup. Since I've already done a post on what's in the ol' spinster's makeup bag (see the eyeliner link above), I decided today I should just draw the makeup instead of talking about it.

If you click on the image above, you can print it out, and color it to your liking, making all the creams, powders, lipsticks, serums, brushes, polishes, etc whatever color you'd want! It's the next best thing to actually making your own shades. And, now that I've mentioned that, see below a list of some makeup DIY links you can use to actually make your own real life makeup.

1. Combine old lipsticks into a new shade! from Labmuffin

2. Make your own lipstick colors out of crayons! from MadisRadd on YouTube (tutorial starts at about minute 1:35)

3. Make your own nail polish from Barbie's Beauty Bits

4. Make your own eyeliner from Coconut Mama

5. DIY eyeshadow palette from Rookie

Enjoy your coloring and - if you're adventurous - your makeup making!

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Spinster Food: Gluten Free Spaghetti

When I first became gluten free, I tried a few of the name brand gluten free pastas. They were all right, but I wasn't all that impressed. But unless I wanted to look pregnant every time I had a craving for noodles, I had to make do. That is, until I discovered Kroger's gluten free spaghetti. It's cheaper than the name brands, and it is delicious. Last night I made a whole pack, and after I'd eaten a normal sized portion, I decided I needed to make sure the rest was still delicious by eating a few more forkfuls out of the pot. It was as good as it was in normal dinner wear.

In case you're wondering what, other than gluten free noodles, is the secret to my spaghetti success, I'm happy to let you know. Firstly, be a hungry spinster who will actually eat anything other than celery or olives. Secondly, check out this list that may or may not be loosely defined as a recipe.

Spinster Spaghetti.

What you need:
- gluten free spaghetti noodles (preferably from Kroger)
- 1 large can of Hunt's Pasta sauce
- minced garlic in the jar
- dried basil
- Salt
- Olive Oil
- Parmesan Cheese

What to do:
1. In a large pot, boil the water and then follow the directions on the back of the noodle package. Just boil all the noodles...but try not to eat them all in one sitting. It'll be tough, but if you resist, you can have them again for breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner the next day.

2. Put some salt and olive oil in the pot while you're boiling the noodles.

3. When the noodles are done, pour them all into a large colander, and turn the burner to "low"

4. In the same pot you used to cook the noodles, pour all the tomato sauce, and put it on the "low" burner.

5. Pour the noodles back on top.

6. Add about a knife-full of minced garlic, salt and pepper to taste (remember, you're making a giant pot, so be generous), and some basil.

7. Stir it all together until it all seems pretty warm, then sprinkle some parmesan cheese in and stir again.

8. Keep adding parmesan cheese until it's the consistency and warmth you'd like to eat, and then eat it...and try to save some for at least one more meal.

I'm pretty sure you all knew how to make spaghetti, but in writing down this "recipe," I got to relive my dinner one more time. Thank you for your indulgence.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Miss Spinster America

I'm from the South, so last night I watched the Miss America pageant. While I wish there were more plus sized contestants, the pageant is always pretty exciting. It should be noted that this is the closest thing to a non-olympic sporting event that I like watching on TV. In fact, I feel like there should be bookies who take bets on this event and potentially a fantasy pageant league.

While I was watching the swimsuit competition, I had the distinct feeling that perhaps I should have eaten about 50% less than I ate this weekend. There should have been no hot Krispy Kreme, no chocolate milk, and no peanut butter m&ms. And that's just to start. As I lamented the fact that I was fourteen the last time my thighs were as slim as the scantily clad ladies' sauntering down the runway, I decided I needed to design my own Miss America pageant wear.

Firstly, I would represent the Spinster state of being, so I'd be "Miss Spinster." My talent would probably include pizza, netflix, loving kittens, or potentially rapping. My platform would be kitten advocacy or potentially singles' awareness.

At the top of this post, you'll see the sketch of the Miss Spinster Eveningwear ensemble. This includes a sequin-and-bead-emblished wrap dress (re: fancy speak for secret bathrobe), a pair of pink high heeled ostrich feather mules, and a luxe terry cloth turban (towel). The look is completed with drop earrings and clear spectacles.

The other sketch you'll see here is the spinster's answer to the swimwear problem. Clearly the chunk sitch should not be parading around on national television. That is, not unless the body type of pageant queens drastically changes before The state of being a spinster gains statehood and I am subsequently chosen as their representative in the Miss America pageant. 

A neoprene wetsuit certainly qualifies as swimwear. In fact, with how cold the water off the coast of Atlantic City is, it's potentially more appropriate for swimming in the region where the pageant is held. The benefit here for the spinster, though, is that neoprene is thick and stretchy, smoothing out all lumps, bumps, and imperfections while offering total coverage of any other...textural issues. 

To make the wetsuit perfectly pageant-appropriate, it is, of course, embellished with miniature Swarovski Crystals in varying sizes. To add an extra level of visual texture, the color of the rhinestones varies from smoke to clear to clear iridescent. Neoprene insets, piping, and cover lock stitches are a nice red-orange neoprene. the look is completed with a pair of embellished black pumps.

Now that we've discussed my ensembles for my entry in the Miss America pageant, can we discuss how horrifying Miss New York's talent was? If you didn't see it, please google it. 

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Spinspiration: Photoshop painting

It's Sunday, and you may want to do a little Pinterest perusing. I, for one, peruse probably at least twenty-five times a day. I know. It is excessive, but I use it for work.

One of my favorite boards is one I named "Inspiration/Mood Board Images." For me, this board is what I use as a sort of image dump for things I may want to use for future mood boards or other visually-based creative projects. Lately, I've found myself most drawn to images with freeform or abstract designs that are mostly just about color. Some of the best examples of artists who work this way are Britt Bass Turner, Federico Saenz-Recio, and Lola Donoghue.

So, today I've made some (quite derivative) pieces in photoshop just for some fun and visual inspiration. Who knows? I may even order some prints. And, of course, I thought I'd share. Feel free to pin them to your own inspiration board!

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Before You Get Out of Bed: 73 Questions With Anna Wintour

It's Saturday morning, and if you're anything like me, you're doing a little internet surfing before you get out of bed. So, today I want to make that surfing a little more multimedia.

Recently a coworker linked me to Vogue's web series 73 Questions. In each video, an unseen interviewer asks fashionable celebrities 73 rapid-fire questions, which the interviewee answers just as quickly as they are asked. Each episode is short, sweet, and a lot of fun to watch.

Yesterday, while I was watching The Today Show, I saw that the most recent episode of 73 Questions featured none other than Vogue's Anna Wintour. Needless to say, I navigated over to the website immediately, and I was not disappointed.

So, for your convenience, I've embedded the video below. Enjoy!

Friday, September 12, 2014

Friday Fun: A Kitten Gif and a Crossword

After I made today's gif, I promptly had a dream that I had a very sweet kitten who could talk to me. It was one of the best dreams I've had in a long time. I believe this is the type of visions one has on a spinster vision quest. The thing is, I didn't even have to go into the woods and fast to see it. I just ate dinner and took a shower. I was sad, though, to wake up and realize that I did not, in fact, have a magical talking kitten.

Today is Friday, and the kitten is expressing how all of us feel about this day of the week. Last week I made a word search. Today I thought I'd up my game a little and make a spinsterly crossword. The clues are a mixture of history, current events, and information from previous posts on The Spinsterhood Diaries. Good luck! Click below and print yours out!

Happy Friday!

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Spinster Doodles: A Coloring Page

I don't know if you guys have heard of Doodlers Anonymous or their coloring book, but today's illustration is sort of inspired by them. The other day I printed too many copies of a line sheet, and I decided to have a little doodle on the back of one of the pages. Well, it just kept going, and before I knew it, the whole page was covered. It all started with the "happy birthday" card doodle, and it just kept going from there.

Instead of throwing away my doodle page, I thought I'd share it with you! If you click on the image and open it in a new tab, you can print it out as an 8.5x11, and there you have it! a coloring page!

I hope your Thursday is brilliant. If it isn't maybe you just need to spend a little time with your crayons, markers, colored pencils, colored pens, or even highlighters. I have heard that coloring helps with anxiety.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Spinster Shopping: Food Fashion

Since I'm a spinster, and I don't have kids, a husband, a boyfriend, or even a pet, I have a little extra space in my brain to think about...other things. What other things am I thinking about? Well, mostly snacks. When I'm not thinking about snacks, I'm probably thinking about breakfast, lunch, dinner, or kittens. You know, spinster stuff.

I'm guessing I'm not alone in my love of crunching and munching. As such, I've put together a collage today for all of us who like to eat. This way, we can really show our snacking pride.

1. So Much Yes Sneaker: $49.99, Modcloth

2. Fries before Guys by Crave Outfitters: $22, Society6

3. Pizza Boxy Graphic Tee: $10, Aeropostale

4. Hello Tokyo Bento Box Pouch by Kate Spade: $98, ShopBop

5. Mr. Gugu and Miss Go Hamburger Top: $47.61, Asos

6. Brushed Icon Long Sleeve: $26.59, Delia*s

7. Linguine Lover Tote: $19.99, Modcloth

8. LC Lauren Conrad Embellished Crop Sweater: $39.99, Kohl's

9. Pancakes & Milkshakes Sweatshirt: $24.90, Uniqlo

10. Sincerely Jules Circle of Life Tank: $35, Revolve

11. Ice Cream Selection by Cardboard Cities: $22  Society 6

12. Wakey Wakey tee by Wilfox: $68, Bloomingdales

I love them all, but I have to admit that 2,9, and 10 are my favorites! Happy Wednesday, and happy shopping!

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Spinster Screening: The Giver

After hearing Jeff Bridges talk about his love of Lois Lowry's The Giver on the Today Show, I decided to listen to the book on tape before seeing the movie. When will I learn? This was the first time, though, that after listening to the book I thought maybe I wouldn't see the movie. My thought was that I didn't really need to see someone riding a sled to know what it was like. However, when I heard Taylor Swift, my spirit animal, had a small part in the movie, I knew I'd have to see it.

Now, I won't spoil the movie or book for you, but I will say they differ a little (or potentially a lot). The ending, for one thing, is different, but much more exciting than the book. That is all I will say.

Taylor swift's role in this movie is indeed small, but it's still a bit larger than it would have been if this had been exactly like the book. As much as I love Taylor swift, though, I have to say I'm not sure acting is going to be her thing. Also, I think she should probably remain a blonde...or at least have bangs if she does change her hair color.

Now that I've said something that wasn't completely Taylor-laudatory, I'm going to finish today's post off with something she did that I love. I know, I shared it on The Spinsterhood Diaries Facebook page about a week ago, but I'm not even close to being sick of it yet, so below is her fun video. Enjoy!

And can somebody let me trade legs with Taylor Swift? Thank you. 

Monday, September 8, 2014

Atlanta Spinstering: A Giant Fabric Store

I've now officially lived in Atlanta for an entire year, and I still don't have a proper bedside table. On Saturday I thought I'd try once again to remedy the situation. I remembered there were a bunch of promising-looking places off 85 on the Jimmy Carter Boulevard exit, so I headed that way. I had one particular place in mind.

The street I turned onto is called Dawson Boulevard, and there is a really big building there that always has "going out of business" signs on it. However, it should be noted that when I tried to check in, the only location option Instagram and Facebook gave me was "Netherworld Haunted House," which is kind of scary.

After looking around a little, I realized there wasn't much furniture there for me, so I checked out a place called "Fine Fabrics" on the south side of the building.  I wasn't sure if that was its name or just a statement of the store's contents, so of course I had to investigate.

All I can really say here is that this was far and away the largest fabric store I've seen in my entire life. I was thinking that even before I realized I had only seen a quarter of the store's contents. There was a stock of stretchy fabric to rival that of Stretch House in New York, and there were sequined fabrics, Kenyan stamped fabrics, Chinoiserie, silk, satin, leather, upholstery fabrics, and even a bit of neon pink fur. It was overwhelming, so I'm just going to show you some more pictures. 

Tables and Tables of Sewing Machines and surgeries. 

A Vintage Soft Drink Machine complete with vintage soda. 

Stacks on stacks of leather patches.

Boxes of buttons

Lots of colors of extra long zippers

This random Alien Statue

Even if you don't need an alien statue, I highly suggest stopping by this giant fabric store next time you're in Atlanta. The sheer size is worth a visit. 

In case you're wondering, I still don't have a bedside table. This is getting ridiculous. 

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Atlanta Spinstering: The Beltline Lantern Parade

Today is my first Atlantaversary! Hooray! Today's post should be a thoughtful reflection on the past year in Georgia, but that will have to wait. It has to wait because last night I went to the Atlanta Beltline Lantern Parade, and it was incredible. Yes, yes, its as hot and sticky. It wouldn't be Atlanta if it wasn't hot, but it was also excellent.

My friend Sara told me about the lantern parade a couple of months ago, and I forgot until this week when she reminded me. So, today, after I had eaten my first Banh Mi at Quoc Huong (yes, I was inspired by yesterday's episode of The Splendid Table), I Sara and I met at Michael's to stock up on supplies. After a bit of crafting, we were ready to embark upon our journey. You can see my lantern on the far left of the picture above. It was just sort of glittered with a tassel at the bottom. However, the cat lantern was so good, I had to have my picture taken with it.

People really got into the home made lantern-making. There were several gigantic human-shaped lanterns, and I also saw a rather large horse, some jellyfish, a woman in an illuminated hoop skirt, and so many other incredibly creative sources of light.

When it was all over, all I wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed because I'm an old spinster, but I'm really glad I went. It was so much fun. Next year, though, I am going to make a crazier lantern. It may or may not be spinster-themed.

Audible Spinstering: The Psychopath Test

Like most other people, I'm fascinated by the criminally insane. Law and Order, after all, was one of the longest running television shows ever. If you watch SVU, you know that half the criminals are Sociopaths and Psychopaths. So, of course when This American Life had an episode called "The Psychopath Test," it was on of my favorite episodes. But then, earlier this week, Leah told me she'd read the book of the same name by Jon Ronson. I purchased it right then and there and listened to Jon Ronson's The Psychopath Test at work this week and...whoah. It was crazy. Pun intended.

Firstly, Jon Ronson reads the book himself on the Audible recording, and it's amazing. He's english, and I love that. Also, his voice as a writer is hilarious. He's one of those writer's who's saying something serious, and then all of a sudden, you realize it's also really funny. I know, it's hard to imagine a book about psychopathy being funny, but it very funny at some points.

Now, there are a lot of topics in this book that aren't necessarily directly about psychopathy or the test given to determine whether or not someone is actually a psychopath. In my post-listening discussion of this book with Leah, we decided this wasn't really one of the book's strengths. All of the information is absolutely interesting, but I'm not sure every tidbit actually relates. The fact that it's all true (as in it's nonfiction written by a journalist), though, will shock you.

Like any good self-respecting psychological hypochondriac (you know, someone who thinks they have all the psychological diseases but none of the physical ones...), after listening to The Psychopath Test, I was sure I'd score pretty high. So, of course, I googled "take the psychopath test online," and I clicked on the first link I found. It was a list of true or false questions, and then it would score you based on your answers. Readers, I am pleased to tell you that I scored slightly below average and am not at all a Psychopath.

In conclusion, those of you who know me have nothing to worry about. If you want to listen to something fascinating, though, I suggest you click the link above for the This American Life episode followed by purchasing the audio book. You can thank me later...unless you're a psychopath. In that case, please stay away.

Friday, September 5, 2014

Friday Fun: Beyonce Cat Gif and a Word Search


Hooray for Friday! In honor of this, the most excellent weekday (we're not counting weekends here...), I have made yet another ridiculous gif. This one is Cat Beyonce. She is excited it's Friday.

Now, in case you needed your Friday to be a little bit more fun, I've also put together a word search for you today. It's got some Friday-related words on there, and then some regular spinster words (you know, sofa, sweatpants, pizza...the usual.) Check out the word search below. If you click on the image, it'll enlarge, and you can print it out!

Here's hoping you're as excited about Friday as Cat Beyonce is. I, for one, am hoping that the desk peddler helps make my legs look like hers. Don't worry. I'm not holding my breath. 

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Spinster Problems: The PBA 30 Logo

As part of my spinsterhood, I am also a senior citizen in training. I openly like watching Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, and Antiques Roadshow. That's why on Wednesdays, I get especially excited for the 8pm reruns of Antiques Roadshow on Atlanta's PBS channel, PBA 30.

In the reruns, when the antiques are appraised, the year the show first airs appears at the bottom of the screen along with the dollar amount the antiques expert estimated as its value. Next to this value, the current year appears on the right side of the screen, along with what today's value would be. The only problem, though, that was for weeks, the PBA 30 logo was on the lower right hand corner, covering the new value. The only way I could tell whether or not the item in question had retained its value was to listen for the deep woodwind instrument and whether the scale went up or down. You can imagine how frustrating this was.

Last night, though, I tuned in, fully expecting to have the same problem. I tweeted about it last week, full of sadness. But alas! The problem had been solved! I could do my needlepoint in peace while I learned about Loetz Glass, George Owen, and Blue Willow toasters. George Owen, by the way, appreciated in cost. So...just in case you're considering.

So, thank you PBA 30. My life is better because of the changes you've made.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Spinster Workout: The Desk Peddler

After all the doughnuts I ate this weekend, I knew I needed a little workout. In fact, I need a little workout even when I haven't eaten the doughnuts. I have reached that stage of life where my metabolism seems to have come to a screeching halt. Thankfully, I had an Amazon Prime package waiting for me when I got home from work.

A week or so ago, the girl who sits next to me at work showed me a video of her brother sitting at his desk in his suit, hard at work while his feet peddled away on a desk peddler. Of course I knew I must have one. When I saw one was available for under $30, I ordered it on the spot.

The desk peddler arrived in a box within a box within a box, but thankfully it was already put together, so I didn't have to make any effort. I just set it up, put a pot on the stove, turned on Netflix, and away I went! Now I can work out and do Needlepoint at the same time!

According to this article on the Huffington Post, this isn't a real workout, and I have to say I agree. However, they do say it's better than just sitting there. Doing something is better than nothing. And, if you like the watch people work out and pretend you are participating, then the gif at the top of this post is for you. You're welcome.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Spinster Food: Hot Krispy Kreme

My mom is a huge Krispy Kreme fan. I, on the other hand, prefer Murray's Donuts, The Doughnut Plant, and after this weekend, Revolution Donuts. This past Sunday morning, though, I woke up with a deep need to know if the Krispy Kreme hot light was on.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the Krispy Kreme hot light, let me enlighten you. My mom is the one who taught me about it, as I think it may have been a serious part of her college experience.  Basically, whenever Krispy Kreme is making hot, fresh glazed donuts, they turn this red light on in their window and on their sign that alerts all passers by to the freshness coming from their kitchen conveyor belt.

At about 8:30 AM, I drove down Buford Highway, and I saw the gleaming red beacon of deliciousness in the distance. I veered to the left, and I was in. I had eaten a doughnut the day before, so my thinking was that this extra bit of gluten wouldn't really make me look any more pregnant than I already looked. Inside, I waited for the freshest doughnut to come off the glazing belt, and I got an ice cold chocolate milk to wash it down because that seemed the most appropriate.

In my car, I knew I could wait no longer. I opened the chocolate milk, and embarked upon a journey I haven't made in at least ten years. Spinsters, I am here to tell you that a hot Krispy Kreme is galaxies away from a cold one. To say the glaze melts in your mouth is an understatement. It was like sugarplum ferries were dancing on my tongue. Or at least tiny donut men.

While I thoroughly enjoyed my warm, delicious Krispy Kreme experience, I think the fact that the hot light isn't on all the time is going to be my saving grace. If it were on all the time, I'm not sure I'd be able to fit inside my apartment.

Monday, September 1, 2014

Spinster Love: ZzzQuil

Over the past week or so, I've been having a bit of trouble sleeping. That means I haven't been able to dream of kittens nearly as much as a spinster should. I could fall asleep, but I couldn't stay asleep. I tried reading, watching TV, playing on my phone, but nothing would help. But then I went to Target, and I got some ZzzQuil. Oh, my. This stuff is good.

I would write more on this subject, but I'm actually pre-writing the night before it will post, and now that I've freely ruminated on just how pleasant ZzzQuil sleep is, I think it's about time I took some and got to bed. The fluffy kitten dreams are calling.