Steinmart. I didn't find what I was looking for, but as you can se above, I found something so much better.
While I was wandering the round racks, looking for a beige top of some sort that costed next to nothing (you can never find it when you need it most), I discovered this insane/delectable gem. Yes, Ladies, this Santa Sweater was hanging on a rack with several of its kind in full sincerity and seriousness. Not only was this sweater there, but there were various and sundry other christmas sweaters. Steinmart really isn't the kind of place that carries ironic clothing, so I'm going to hazard a guess that this thing is for real.
I snapped a photo of the sweater and sent it to Megan, letting her know this was available whenever she got a chance to come find one in her size. Megan's response was "This is very nice." I then suggested Megan wear it on her next date, to which she responded that it couldn't possibly make anything worse. At that point, I was laughing to myself amidst seasonal sweaters while thinking "this is why we're friends."
Now, later I was talking to my mom on the phone, and I told her about the sweater and how I planned on wearing it on the next date I procured from the online dating arena (yes, I have unfortunately fallen back into that abyss.) My mom said she thought I should bring a santa sack with me that had my phone number on it. Before the date, she said, I should just send a quick message saying, "I'll be the one in the Santa suit. See you soon!"
After all this giggling, I thought it only fair to note a few things: Firstly, I have just discovered that Steinmart has an Ecommerce site (linked above in the first paragraph). Secondly, this sweater is available for purchase on their website along with several other really spectacular options. Thirdly, I acknowledge that not everything at Steinmart is a Santa Suit, and quite a few things there are date appropriate. Fourthly, I also acknowledge that Christmas sweaters are fun.
So, in conclusion, if you need a last minute idea for your Halloween costume and/or hot date, I think you've got a front runner here. You're welcome.