Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Spinster Gif: Add Your Own Caption


My online dating life here in Atlanta hasn't been going so well. I don't know if it's because I'm older, fatter, or somehow less attractive than I was in New York, but lately, it's been getting me down. In fact, I think the last five or so dates I've been on have been a no-go...on their end. 

Of course, I like to say that one of the prerequisites for dating me is that you have to want to be dating me. This renders all of those guys unqualified by default, regardless of whether I was interested in the first place. On the face of it, that may seem passive and/or anti-feminist, but is chasing or pining away for a man who isn't interested any better? I'd rather watch Netflix and hang out with my dog.

This weekend I experienced a kind of rejection as yet unfamiliar to me. I went on a coffee date one night, and a brunch date during one day. Generally, if a guy is going to contact you, they try to use the three-day rule. In case you haven't watched the horrible Swingers, that's when a guy waits three days after the first date to contact you so he doesn't seem too eager. This weekend, however, both dates contacted me before twenty-four hours had passed to say that they'd just like to be friends. 

I'm ashamed to say I've used this line before, and until this weekend, I thought it was a gentle way to tell someone I wasn't interested in kissing them, though I thought they were really cool. Generally, I've used it when someone kept asking me out and I knew I didn't want to hold hands. The thing is, though, I think I would have preferred that the guys not contact me at all. 

Where in the pre-online dating world, perhaps not contacting someone ever again after a date would seem rude, lack of interaction after a date that would have been considered (by the rejecter) lukewarm at best has become par for the course. When someone contacts me within twenty-four hours to say that they thought I was really interesting but just wholly unattractive (at least this is the subtext), I have to say...it smarts a little. 

The moral of the story? It's ok not to contact someone after an unsuccessful first date, especially if it was online dating. You didn't know them in the first place. 

So, what makes you wanna just say "no?" Leave your own caption in the comments or on The Spinsterhood Diaries' Facebook page!

Monday, June 29, 2015

Obsession Confession: The My Idol App


You guys. If you're obsessed with YouTube dermatology, then you may follow Dr. Sandra Lee on Instagram. Yesterday, she posted a video of herself from the app, where she was doing a little kung fu.

So, when you're using the App, you just take a photo of your face, and then the app does the rest. As you can see, I left my glasses on, s you can kind of see them under the ones I chose from the wardrobe library once I was inside. They also don't have a hair color that's really between blonde and brown, so I had to choose this one.

In the app, you can take still photos of your new 3-dimensional avatar, or you can actually get an animated short. Of course I did both. Behold! Below I've added the video for your enjoyment.



Now that you've seen this, I think you should go and download this app right now. It was free when I got it yesterday, so I'm hoping it still is when you read this.

Enjoy!

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Spinspiration: Nursery Duty

pink-nursery, pink-nursery-toys, pink-baby-toys
This morning I left poor Miranda's side for a couple of hours so I could go to Church and do my nursery duty. I held babies, was used as a toilet briefly, and told two little girls a story in which they were a dinosaur queen and princess. All in a day's work at the nursery.

I was lazy yesterday and didn't make any new artwork for today's post, so I decided I'd take a little inspiration from my surroundings in the Nursery while I was cleaning up the mess we'd made. Perhaps if you're making a mood board this week, you can take some inspiration (or spinspiration...whichever you choose.)

The first image is of a bunch of pink toys. Starting from the top left corner: A spiky rubber ball, a wooden train car, a "smart phone" which looks suspiciously like a phone I once had that didn't even have caller ID, some car keys, and a plastic cup.

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Above is an image of where a child painted outside of the lines on the easel. Whoever this child is, I like their color sense. 

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Lastly I have a little still life of one of the cubby holes where the toys are kept. It's got some of the plastic dinnerware as well as the ball, and a basket full of plastic and rubber "foods."

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday!


Saturday, June 27, 2015

Spinstergram: My Very Own Baby Buffalo


I know I linked you to this photo yesterday, but in case you didn't click the link, I thought I'd share. Miranda was sick Thursday night, and at 3AM Friday morning, when I saw she wasn't getting any better, I took her to the vet. They decided she needed to get some fluid in her, and the best place to put it was between her shoulders. I felt so bad for my baby, but she does look like the cutest baby buffalo ever.

Yesterday when I came home to her, she was still sick, but with all the rest the medicine is helping her get, I'm hoping she'll improve soon. 

That's really all for today. I just had to share my cute baby buffalo. Happy Saturday!

Friday, June 26, 2015

#FAFATL: The Last One in June!


I don't know about you, Spinsters, but I'm having a hard time believing June is already almost over. Today, in fact, is the last Friday in June, and so it is the last Free Art Friday in this month. 

Above you'll see the three little magnets I'v made for today. If you live in the Atlanta area and are up for a scavenger hunt, you can follow my Spinstergram @Jonezee85. I believe one of my drops from last week is still lurking

If you check the Instagram before I post any magnets today, you'll have the strange experience of seeing Miranda during her 3AM trip to the Vet this morning. She wouldn't stop throwing up during the night, so they had to give her some fluid under her skin. She looked like a baby buffalo or the cutest hunchback you've ever seen

Enjoy your Friday! 






Thursday, June 25, 2015

Surprise! The Spinsterhood Diaries is now on Tumblr

Well, Spinsters, you made it through the wilderness. Today is not a photoshoppery of a celebrity. However, I did make this gif in photoshop. Today, we're going to talk about yet another way you can stalk me and all the creations of my fiendish little mind.

For a little while now, my friend Phoebe has been telling me I should make a Tumblr for my images and gifs. Well, this week, I actually made one! To view the Tumblr, I think you actually have to have a Tumblr account, but if you do have one, you can find The Spinsterhood Diaries by visiting http://thespinsterhooddiaries.tumblr.com. Right now I've only got, like, four followers, so I welcome you to come check it out!

The Spinsterhood Diaries on Tumblr will be a bit different than it is here. Mainly, it'll be images and gifs with very little text. Also, the occasional sharing of other people's work. If that sounds like something you want to see, then head on over!

Now, I've been watching this gif for at least 15 minutes now, and I have to tell you that I'm very sorry if it's brought on a seizure for you. It's kind of giving me a headache.

Happy Thursday to you!

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Photoshoppery: Ruby Rose

ruby-rose-holding-a-rose, ruby-rose-model, ruby-rose-oitnb
Ok, this is the last one, you guys. I promise. Tomorrow will be something different. On of OITNB's newest cast members, though, was too tantalizing to ignore. Of course I'm talking about one Miss Ruby Rose. I thought this first image was all too appropriate. She's holding a rose, after all.

ruby-rose-australian, ruby-rose-yellow-dress, ruby-rose-hair, ruby-rose-2015

I bet you didn't know that Ruby Rose was a triplet. Well, now you do. You also know what her hair looks like when it's not shaved on one side, and you like it. 

ruby-rose-brony

Ruby Rose and Matt McGorry bonded onset as McGorry is a Brony, and Ruby Rose fancies herself a Pegasister. This, of course, is an old photo. She's since lost some weight. 

ruby-rose-body, ruby-rose-workout, ruby-rose-gym

When Rose decided to get in shape, she first took it to the extreme. Now she's started doing more reps and less weight, and she's slimmed down and softened up. I think she looks much nicer. 


Lastly, we have this photo meant for Ruby Rose's school yearbook. This one was deemed wildly inappropriate and was replaced with her photo from the year before. 

Happy Wednesday!



Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Photoshoppery: Matt McGorry

matt-mcgorry-headshot, matt-mcgorry-oitnb
Spinsters, I think it's fair to say I'm going through a serious photoshoppery obsession right now. If you aren't enjoying it, I am so sorry. I promise to wrap it up soon. I will have to go cold turkey.

Today's victim is one Matt McGorry. If you watch Orange Is The New Black, you recognize him. The next sentence will contain a spoiler if you haven't finished the new season, so stop reading now if you don't want to know, and just look at the pictures. One of the things I am dying to know about this last season is if McGorry's character is gone forever. That seemed awfully abrupt and without too much explanation. I hope he's back for the next season, but I have no idea what to expect.

***Spoiler Over***

As you can see in the above photo, McGorry had to clean up his haircut significantly for his OITNB role. However, I can't say he's not pulling it off...

matt-mcgorry-2015, matt-mcgorry-oitnb

Here is one of the newest additions to McGorry's portfolio of headshot. He's trying to say here that he's willing to cash in on how hot being trans is right now. He's up for the challenge, and he is fierce.

matt-mcgorry-queen, matt-mcgorry-costume, matt-mcgorry-2015, matt-mcgorry-oitnb

He also wants you to know he can be pretty regal. And he can have really smooth, pale skin. 

matt-mcgorry-brony, bronies, bronycon, what-is-a-brony, matt-mcgorry-hot, matt-mcgorry-2015, matt-mcgorry-oitnb

Lastly, here's a snapshot of McGorry at last year's Bronycon. You didn't see that coming, did you?

Well, I Hope you've enjoyed this little trip through McGorry's life. I hope to see more of him during the next season of OITNB.



Monday, June 22, 2015

Photoshoppery: Taylor Schilling

taylor-schilling-oitnb, taylor-schilling-2015, taylor-schilling-hair

Ok, spinsters. I've given you plenty of time to finish the newest season of Orange Is The New Black before posting this bit of photoshoppery. However, in case you're not that serious about your Netflix account (and if you aren't, I'm really not sure if I believe you're a spinster), I'll warn you if I'm going to tell any spoilers. I'll try my best to avoid ruining your life, though. 

Above you'll see one of Taylor Schilling's first head shots. This was when she wanted to convey that she could be "funny." However, casting agents weren't sure whether or not this was her real hair (it was) or part of the "joke" (it wasn't), so eventually she had to reshoot all her head shots once her hair had grown out. 

taylor-schilling-now, taylor-schilling-netflix, taylor-schilling-imdb

You may not know this, but before Schilling got into acting, she was way into working out. I'm glad that prison food didn't agree with her muscles and slimmed her down a bit. This is just...horrible. 

taylor-schilling-2015, taylor-schilling-red-carpet

Taking a cue from her vanity plates in the above photo, Schilling had her own barbie made. It was all together random, wearing an entirely gold outfit that looked like it could have been a costume in one of the newer Star Wars movies, but it came with its own prison outfit, so it sold like hot cakes. 


taylor-schilling-headshot, taylor-schilling-oitnb

Here is another one of Schilling's old head shots. This was before she became a blonde. 



Lastly, here is Schilling's most recent glamour shot. Everything about this outfit is magnificent. I usually detest a fashion hat, but I really think it goes with the ensemble here.

I hope these photoshopperies have brightened your Monday! If you haven't watched the most recent season of Netflix's Orange Is The New Black, you should get on that so we can discuss. Thank you.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Photoshoppery: Lindsey Graham


Lindsey-Graham-Cat, Lindsey-Graham-2016, Lindsey-Graham-Senator, Lindsey-Graham-south-Carolina

Spinsters, it's Sunday, and since I have a little bank of photoshoppery just waiting to be posted, I thought I'd grace your eyes today with the only Manster (man-spinster) that I know of who is running for the presidential nomination. Who is this man? Well, in case you didn't read the image above, it's South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham. He's been in the senate for some time, and he's become one of the most well-known ones in the past few years. However, Today we're going to review some photos that tell you some things you perhaps didn't know about this Manster. 

First of all, since he's a Manster, He likes to wear sweaters and hold a cat. But, I bet you didn't know that he actually recorded a whole album of songs about his cat. Well, he did, ok? Above is the proof. There are actually two whole records in the set!
lindsey-graham-senator, Lindsey-graham-partner, lindsey-graham-politician

Lindsey Graham has become such a household name that he got his own Ken doll. Unfortunately, they let Graham pick the outfit for his doll, and well, let's just say, it doesn't scream "presidential nominee."

lindsey-graham-2015, lindsey-graham-2016, lindesy-graham-campaigning

Graham likes to kick it old school when he's taking his exercise. He also likes to keep his hair dry so that he can shower up and go right back to work. 

lindsey-graham-2015, lindsey-graham-now, lindsey-graham-young

Here is one of the lost photos from Graham's proposed campaign literature. He thought it made him look relatable to the growing demographic of single ladies, but it was ultimately vetoed because he had decided to go without a shirt. 

lindsey-graham-water, lindsey-graham-campaign-photos, lindsey-graham-publicity-photo, lindsey-graham-portrait-lindsey-graham-for-president

This photo, however, was released to the public in the late '90s when Lindsey Graham briefly stood in for Chris Kirkpatrick for a few tour dates. Rumor has it that he was quite the performer, but Justin Timbrlake black balled him for having the same hairdo. For shame, Timberlake! If you hadn't ousted Graham, he might not have to answer questions about his rotating first lady. Boy Band guys get all the ladies, not just first ones. 

I Hope you've enjoyed this little primer on presidential hopeful Lindsey Graham. Check back tomorrow for more ridiculousness. 

Saturday, June 20, 2015

Reunited and it feels...OK?


Well, spinsters, I promised you a non-photoshop post today, and here you have it! Just like the old days, we have an illustration! And why? Because I have my computer back. But in case you're wondering what happened....

Last Thursday I was watching a YouTube video, and all of a sudden, my computer just froze. I tried to force quit Safari, but nothing would work. So, I just pressed the power button and left it alone for a moment. When I turned it back on, there was a blinking file icon there with a question mark and nothing else. I called Apple support, and after we tried all the different options, they made me a genius bar appointment.

The Mac genius bar at Lenox Mall is insanity. I don't know if people are just showrooming in there or what, but it's always jam-packed with people on a level I never saw in any of the Manhattan Mac stores.

After waiting hunchbacked on a stool, a guy with a soul patch to match his soulful eyes and unnecessary droopy knit hat came and tried a bunch of other things. Then, we had to check my computer in because there was nothing he could do right away, and I went home.

There's another portion here where I try to update my MacBook from 2008, and it doesn't really go that well, but we'll just skip that part.

I got a call on Tuesday that my computer was ready, so I made plans to pick it up after work.

In the meantime, I got a text from Chase, and someone had stolen my credit card information. All I can do is laugh when I think of how they caught the person. They tried to spend $200 at Pinkberry. What could you possibly even buy for $200 at Pinkberry? Well, in my estimation it could have been about 40 small yogurts with toppings or 40 brownie a la modes or maybe 20 take home yogurts. 

I went to the mall to claim my mac, hoping they'd been able to fix it. They'd fixed it, all right. They replaced the hard drive and the logic board. But you know what? I'd never opened the box to my external hard drive to back it up. So...yep. I've got nothing left. 

I heard there was an episode of Sex and the City about this, but at this point, I have too much of a sinking feeling to actually watch it. 

So, my MacBook Pro and I are reunited, and it only feels sort of OK. I'm trying to look on the bright side. This means I'll be forced to actually get Adobe Creative Cloud. Heretofore I was working with CS3. I know, I know. Hilarious. 

Ok, well, if you've actually made it this far in this post, then good on you! If not, then you're not reading this.

Have an excellent saturday! I'll be trying to figure out Creative Cloud.

Friday, June 19, 2015

#FAFATL: June 19, 2015


Yippee for Friday! If you've been enjoying the Photoshoppery, don't worry! I've got a few more up my sleeve. If you are already sick of it, then here's a little breather for you. I'll also have another breather for you tomorrow. Then...more photoshop! 

Today, as you know, is Free Art Friday (#FAFATL), and above you'll see my three magnets for today. The top two have some delicious glitter action, and the bottom one is just a lovely pastel pistachio green. 

As always, if you're living in the Atlanta Area, you can follow me on Instagram @Jonezee85 to see where I'm posting these babies around town. I usually try to do one in the morning, one around lunch, and then one maybe a little closer to dinner time. If you happen to find one of my little magnets (as far as I know, there are still two lurking around the city from last week), then don't forget to comment on the Instagram post that it's been claimed! 

Happy Friday, and Happy Hunting!

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Photoshoppery: Jeb Bush

jeb-bush-for-president, jeb-bush-2016, jeb-bush-young
The Other Day, I was in the car on the way to work, and I was listening to NPR. They were talking about Jeb Bush, a person I haven't thought too much about, if I'm honest. For Instance, I had no idea he'd met his wife in Mexico, and I didn't know he was so involved with the Latin Community in Miami. Clearly, it was an interesting story. So, I decided that in this time without my computer, I'd make a Photoshoppery of Jeb Bush. We've already done one of Hillary Clinton, so I thick this is necessary to keep it neutral. If I had to guess right now, I think these will be the two candidates in the general election.

So, now that I know all about Jeb Bush's love for Miami, I decided to make a Photoshop post where the theme was Miami. Above, you'll see a publicity shot from when Jeb starred in Miami Vice.

jeb-bush-miami, jebicito, jeb-bush-for-president

You may not know this, but Bush was also briefly a pet detective.

jeb-bush-2016, jeb-bush-as-pitbull, jeb-bush-miami, jeb-bush-in-miami

Then there was that time he shaved his head and stood in for Pittbull. (Click the Image to Enlarge)

jeb-bush-nra, jeb-bush-miami, jeb-bush-2015

And remember when Jeb was a gangster in Scarface? (Click the Image to Enlarge)

jeb-bush-bubble-bath, jeb-bush-scarface, jeb-bush-relaxing, jeb-bush-for-president

After a long day on the campaign trail, though, Jeb likes to relax in a nice Scarface bubble bath. Don't we all? 


Check back tomorrow for more ridiculous Photoshoppery. Soon I will have my computer back, but at this point, I can't promise I'll stop the photoshopping.


Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Photoshoppery: Kendall Jenner

kendall-jenner-model, kendall-jenner, hot, kendall-jenner-hands, kendall-jenner-manicure

Since yesterday's post was about Kylie, I didn't want Kendall Jenner to feel left out. A Professional model, Kendall's image is much more accessible. Above you'll see an image from one of the shoots she did for FloJo's nail polish brand. Really very nice.


Before becoming a model, Kendall had a lot of working out to do.

kendall-jenner-2015

She briefly tried a new hairstyle but has since gone back to a more traditional look.


The Kendall Jenner Barbie will be here before we know it. I was surprised to discover Kim Kardashian doesn't actually have her own Barbie Yet. I guess they'd have to make whole new mold for that, too. 


Lastly, here is a photo of a precious moment between Kendall and her favorite clown. Enjoy!

Note: My computer is sadly out of commission, so I am limping along with my nearly vintage macbook from when I was in fashion school. Unfortunately, until I get it back, you'll be regaled with more photoshoppery. 

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Photoshoppery: Kylie Jenner

Ok, I ate to say this, but I really think Kylie Jenner looks really lovely with her lip fillers. I probably wouldnt' have gone quite so big, but I'm certainly not mad at them. They make her look like she fits in a little bit more of the Kardashian clan. I'm not sure how good that is, but there it is.

As you can see, Kylie's been broadening her horizons. A lot of people like to do strip aerobics or pole dancing classes. Kyile's opted for somethign even more retro: Flagline workouts. Not only are they great for the upper body strength, but the costumes are really warm, so you shed a lot of excess water by sweating.

Here we have one of the promo shots from Kendall and Kylie's most recent fashion collaborations. The 90's are apparently back in a really good way, and I'm not really sure how I feel about that.


You may think this is an image of Lindsey Lohan, but you'd be wrong. This is what Kylie wore to her audition for the Lindsey Lohan Biopic. Whoever they cast - even if it's Lohan herself, I will be there. It's probably, like, a million times more dramatic than The Glass Castle


Lastly, here's a still from Jenner's upcoming music video. It's got a soundtrack completely composed and performed by Leslie Hall. I think you're going to like it. 

I hope Kylie's given you a little giggle this morning. I'm going to tweet this to her....even though he probably has someone else do her twitter account. Wait...let's all tweet it to her. Deal? Deal.

Enjoy!



Monday, June 15, 2015

Photoshoppery: Louis Tomlinson

louis-tomlinson-shirtless, louis-tomlinson-no-shirt, louis-tomlinson-2015
Next on the shopping block is Louis Tomlinson. Of all the guys in One Direction, I'd wager Louis weighs the least. That's why I was so surprised when I saw how much chest hair he has. he's growing into quite the Burt Reynolds. Good on you, Louis! Also, nice phone.


That time Louis tried on a very dramatic owl hat.


He decided it was a bit too tame and went for the black wan instead. I think we can all agree this packs a bit more punch.


That time Louis auditioned for Game Of Thrones. He had no Idea he needed a jacket at the very least. The crown was nice, though. He likes some headwear.


Lastly, we have Louis's beautiful and glamourous bridal portrait. The retoucher went a little crazy, but it does have that nice, soft, glowing affect. 

Check back tomorrow for one more crazy bout of photoshoppery! Happy Sunday!

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Photoshoppery: Liam Payne

Liam-payne-one-direction

After a brief break from the photoshoppery for a look at my Free Art Friday offerings and some incredible visions of Niall Horan, I'm back with more ridiculous imagery for fans of One Direction and Photoshop alike. Today's subject: Liam Payne. 

I don't really know much about Liam Payne, but he looks the most manly of all the One Directioners, so I've given him the manliest outfit I could think of to start this post. Obviously a Spedo is the way to go. 


Just because Liam has lots of fans doesn't mean he can't fanboy a little bit, too. But watch out, this one might peek at you. (See what I did there?)


Liam may not be the king of the One Directioners, but he decided to have a rather regal portrait made of himself anyway. They tried to tell him to make less of a goofy face, but what did they expect? He's in a boy band. His two facial modes are goofy and cute.


Here Liam shows his feminine side while till appearing somehow very masculine. I'm not even sure how he does it.


Last of all, we have Liam's brooding Glamour Shot. Again, hes' stricken a nice balance between the masculine and the feminine. Go, Liam! Get it!

Ok, check back tomorrow for more ridiculous photoshoppery. Until then, Enjoy your weekend!