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My online dating life here in Atlanta hasn't been going so well. I don't know if it's because I'm older, fatter, or somehow less attractive than I was in New York, but lately, it's been getting me down. In fact, I think the last five or so dates I've been on have been a no-go...on their end.
Of course, I like to say that one of the prerequisites for dating me is that you have to want to be dating me. This renders all of those guys unqualified by default, regardless of whether I was interested in the first place. On the face of it, that may seem passive and/or anti-feminist, but is chasing or pining away for a man who isn't interested any better? I'd rather watch Netflix and hang out with my dog.
This weekend I experienced a kind of rejection as yet unfamiliar to me. I went on a coffee date one night, and a brunch date during one day. Generally, if a guy is going to contact you, they try to use the three-day rule. In case you haven't watched the horrible Swingers, that's when a guy waits three days after the first date to contact you so he doesn't seem too eager. This weekend, however, both dates contacted me before twenty-four hours had passed to say that they'd just like to be friends.
I'm ashamed to say I've used this line before, and until this weekend, I thought it was a gentle way to tell someone I wasn't interested in kissing them, though I thought they were really cool. Generally, I've used it when someone kept asking me out and I knew I didn't want to hold hands. The thing is, though, I think I would have preferred that the guys not contact me at all.
Where in the pre-online dating world, perhaps not contacting someone ever again after a date would seem rude, lack of interaction after a date that would have been considered (by the rejecter) lukewarm at best has become par for the course. When someone contacts me within twenty-four hours to say that they thought I was really interesting but just wholly unattractive (at least this is the subtext), I have to say...it smarts a little.
The moral of the story? It's ok not to contact someone after an unsuccessful first date, especially if it was online dating. You didn't know them in the first place.
So, what makes you wanna just say "no?" Leave your own caption in the comments or on The Spinsterhood Diaries' Facebook page!